Day Fifteen - Round Two....The "J" TeamOnce again the "J" Team swooped into my home at exactly 9am and exited at exactly 11:00am. These lovely ladies had a mission and the mission was to clean. My cousin tackled the upstairs washroom again and hung pictures for me(many thanks). My mom tackled my front porch and front hall closet .....I am thinking that with the amount of stuff she threw out and the amount of bags of clothes and shoes she took to the VV boutique there is gonna be some very very happy large ladies. My cousin and my sister in law worked on the kitchen and more so on emptying out and cleaning out my fridge. They cleaned out and scrubbed all the shelves and re organized everything. The vacuuming was done for the entire main floor and the front door and windows were all cleaned. I'm telling you these smiling ladies can clean like no other! Again many many thanks to the "three J's". Once the "J" Team left I set to work. I made ground chicken chili, pureed fish chowder and ground chicken meatballs. I weighed the meatballs and packaged them in individual snack bags for the correct meal portions I will be able to eat in 12 days. The chili and the soup was measured at 1/3 cup and put in individual containers for meal portions also. Since my portions are so very small there would be tons left over but my mother in law is having a terrible time with her teeth and is having some dental surgery in the near future and cannot eat solids. Therefore I make bigger portions for her and package them up so she can have something she can eat. I freeze them for her so she can have different varieties to choose from to make her meals interesting. Hopefully this is helping her out. So yesterday I talked about planning and preparation. Today I think I am prepared. I have a few different options for meals when I am able to have solid foods again so I don't get bored. I think with having the meals prepared or at least partially prepared it will be easier to accomodate my work schedule and grabbing my meals while still preparing meals for my family. Less chance of saying "what the heck" and eating whatever. My goal is simple ....stay on track and succeed! Each day that unfolds infront of me is different some are tougher than others but Robert Louis Steveson said "Dont just each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant."

Once again the "J" Team swooped into my home at exactly 9am and exited at exactly 11:00am.  These lovely ladies had a mission and the mission was to clean.  My cousin tackled the upstairs washroom again and hung pictures for me(many thanks).  My mom tackled my front porch and front hall closet .....I am thinking that with the amount of stuff she threw out and the amount of bags of clothes and shoes she took to the VV boutique there is gonna be some very very happy large ladies.  My cousin and my sister in law worked on the kitchen and more so on emptying out and cleaning out my fridge.  They cleaned out and scrubbed all the shelves and re organized everything.  The vacuuming was done for the entire main floor and the front door and windows were all cleaned.  I'm telling you these smiling ladies can clean like no other!  Again many many thanks to the "three J's".  Once the "J" Team left I set to work.  I made ground chicken chili, pureed fish chowder and ground chicken meatballs.  I weighed the meatballs and packaged them in individual snack bags for the correct meal portions I will be able to eat in 12 days.  The chili and the soup was measured at 1/3 cup and put in individual containers for meal portions also.  Since my portions are so very small there would be tons left over but my mother in law is having a terrible time with her teeth and is having some dental surgery in the near future and cannot eat solids.  Therefore I make bigger portions for her and package them up so she can have something she can eat.  I freeze them for her so she can have different varieties to choose from to make her meals interesting.  Hopefully this is helping her out.  So yesterday I talked about planning and preparation.  Today I think I am prepared.  I have a few different options for meals when I am able to have solid foods again so I don't get bored.  I think with having the meals prepared or at least partially prepared it will be easier to accomodate my work schedule and grabbing my meals while still preparing meals for my family.  Less chance of saying "what the heck" and eating whatever.  My goal is simple ....stay on track and succeed!  Each day that unfolds infront of me is different some are tougher than others but Robert Louis Steveson said "Dont just each  day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant."
Steph

Day Fourteen - Preparation and Planning

I am exactly two weeks post op now and feeling really good.  Today I went out and bought some ground chicken and sole fillets.  I plan on making some mini ground chicken meatballs, cooking them, weighing them and prepackaging them so that I can just grab them out already weighed and eat them when that time comes (14 days).  Gonna do the same with the fish.  Bake it, weigh it and package it so it is easy to just take out at supper time.  Not excited about being able to eat in two weeks eh!  I think that planning and preparing for this will make it so much easier not to go outside of what I am supposed to be eating.  The eating portion of this journey is just part of the big picture, can't wait to add exercise to this journey again.  Last night Geoff and I, the lovely Miss "A" went out to Yuk Yuk's amateur night.  The was no parking around King St. so we parked a block away in a parking garage came down to street level through the old farmer's market mall and walked the block to Yuk Yuk's.  It felt good and for once I wasn't totally out of breath.  There was 8 comedians on last night, some were good, some were ok and some were just bad.  I am not sure why they think that vulgarity is funny.  It's just too much at times.  Anyways all in all it was a good show and we had lots of laughs.  Which I think was really good for our dear friend Miss "A" as she was definitely not having a good day, nothing seemed to be going in her direction at all.  When the show ended we walked Miss "A" down the block and around the corner to her car then we walked the block and a half back to the mall entrance to find it was all locked up.  Now we walked the 3 more blocks around the mall to the parking garage entrance and up 2 flights of stairs and then I said "Wait" I need to take an elevator up the rest of the way.  We found the elevator and took it the next two levels.  This time I was a little winded but I haven't done any walking for over a month which is one reason I can't wait to get back on the tread mill. I think I will need to watch out for the energy level of things when I head back to the gym....keeping hydrated might be an issue but I have about 12 days to figure that out.  I see the surgeon on May 9 and will ask someone at the bariatric clinic what they know or think about it.  Need to keep on preparting and planning....as it is a key to the success in this journey I am on.  Might try to go for another walk this weekend.  Just small ones at first but then maybe build up some stamina for going back to the gym.
Have a great weekend everyone.
Steph

Day Thirteen - It's a perfect Dozen....no joke!

I have always been told that the number thirteen is an unlucky number ...but buuuuuuyyaaaaahhhh it is not my unlucky number.  Did the 2010 income taxes and things worked out well for once.  Had a nice lunch with my dad and Geoff.  The Fifty's restaurant in Cambridge is fantastic.  I had chicken noodle soup for lunch and they strained the noodle, chicken and veggies out for me so I could just have the broth.  Don't know too many places that would do that especially on a busy lunch shift.  Many thanks to the staff that made that possible I greatly appreciate it.  Then I headed to my parents and visited with my mom and my nephew for a bit and off to the doctor's to have my staples removed.  When I got to the office I was greated my the most wonderful receptionist ever...the lovely Mrs. "B".  She is always pleasant and helpful.  We went to the scale and I jumped up as quick as I could.....that's right wierd eh.  I was so happy and shocked to see that yes I was down 12.2 lbs since last Thursday when I weighed at the doctor's office.  I am so excited that makes the total weight reduction 51 lbs and 40 lbs since April 1.  I wore a pair of jeans today that I haven't had on since before Christmas because the waist and legs were so tight it just wasn't comfortable to wear anymore.  They fit today and were quite loose....I am very stoked.  Had my 1/3 cup of milky oatmeal this morning and well, could only eat half of that and was so very full.  It seemed to sit well so I will have some more tomorrow morning.  I am going to have homemade cream of tomato soup for supper and tonights snack is going to be my 1/2 cup of diluted grapefruit juice ( don't laugh I am very excited!) I am having a 1/2 cup of V8 juice for my afternoon snack right now and am overjoyed to have flavour!  Tonight I am off to yuk yuk's on a date with my BF and hubby.  It's amateur night and we all need to have a good laugh.  I can do this without eating and partaking of sugared beverages....I will have my favourite bottle of water!  Today has been a great day and I know it is just one of many that will come!  I am so proud of my decision to have this surgery and to overcome all the negativity and doubt that surrounded it but I am also proud of my progress.  I know that there is going to be bumps in the road along the way....I am not unrealistic, but I believe "if you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up.  Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it." (Michael Jordan).  I have a faith and friends and family that will keep me strong and help me overcome the road blocks that might come my way.  I am on this journey to a new life and I plan on staying on track.  "sow optimism and hard work, reap a harvest of success and joy (JLH).
Steph

Day Twelve - Tomorrow, Tomorrow I Love You Tomorrow!

YA BA DA BA DOOOOOOOOO! Today is the tomorrow I worried about yesterday (Anonymous)....but tomorrow is gonna be great!  That's right tomorrow morning starts with getting my taxes done, then on to the doctor's office to have my staples removed.  There is six incisions and 21 staples and they are driving me nutz.  I am so itchy it is crazy and now when I move they are pulling...some are starting to pop up and catch on my clothes.  Can't wait to have them removed...2pm tomorrow. The hospital sent me home with the handy dandy little staple remover tool that I have to take to the doctor's with so we can get the job done with some ease....lol....as much ease as you can get when you are pulling little metal staples out of healed skin.  I am not too concerned though....should be like a little pinch here and there.....21 times!  Then from the doctor's office Geoff needs to go to his physiotherapy appointment.  Still working on making his hand function correctly...let's hope and pray it is somewhat better this week.  Now is the absolute most incredible part of the day....yes I can have some soft foods.....my new menu is 1/2 cups of creamed or pureed soups, 1/4 cup unsweetened apple sauce or 1/3 cup of fat free sugar free yogurt, 1/3 cup of oatmeal with 1/3 cup of skim or 1% milk......yes sir reeeee I am so damn excited!  Bet ya never thought one person could get soooooo excited about not drinking broth and eating jello. By the way note to self and everyone that is listening to me I will NEVER eat JELLO again!   Gross, gross and gross again.  Cherry is my favourite and I don't think I could even put another mouthful in my yap.  I am so happy to be able to have flavour and texture....I have homemade cream of tomato soup and cream of spinach out for tomorrows soup choices, have a vanilla yogurt ready and an unsweetened apple/grape applesauce  for my snacks as well as I can have V8 juice and Grapefruit juice tomorrow......Mary Ann Radmacher said "listen to the compass of your heart; all you need lies within you." I knew I could make it through the broth, juice, jello stage and finally I am on to the pureed/creamed, yogurt and applesauce stage......I can do it.   it's only 15 days till I can eat food.  All ready got my menu planned....oh yeah....not a lot to do when you are sitting at home and cannot do much.  Planned out my menu!  That right "life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance." (anonymous).  I am energized and ready to move on.  Still feeling really good and doing a little more each day.  Just taking it easy on certain things.  I did the grocery shopping today and was really proud of myself.  I picked the better choices for my family and picked up things that I will be able to eat in this stage and in the next stage.  To all my GBS friends keep up the good work everyone, I know we are all at different stages but it is encouraging to hear about the people before us and it is nice to give advice to the people after us.  Helping hands all the way around.  Bless all of you!
Steph

Day Eleven - Love and Kindness!

Today's blog sort of sways from the general topic of gastric bypass surgery or weight loss but I think it is important. When you love someone you would do anything for that person.  I love my husband and I would do anything to help him, encourage him and just see him happy.  Without heading into tons of detail my husband has children that he has not had much contact with for several years but by no fault of his own (no matter who says what  we know the truth).  Now a baby was born to one of the children late in the fall of 2010 and this baby boy is gorgeous.  This baby has brought about the rekindling of a relationship. This has brought about happiness for my husband.  Today he is going to see his grandson and he is excited.  We went to get Easter cards and a gift for the baby.  While we were shopping for his grandson he felt that an Easter card with a Timmies card for his daughter and boyfriend would be nice.  He then decided that he would get a card for his other daughter that has not spoken to him for quite sometime.  He really doesn't want anything from these kids other than he would like to be able to love them or shall I say show them how much he loves them.  I personally think that random acts of kindness can act as small miracles.  It isn't anything to buy a card or make a phone call in today's world.  Even sending an email with a word of encouragement now and again is a wonderful gift.  You don't always have to give gifts or spend oodles of money to let someone know that you are thinking of them and care.  I am sure there are those people in each of our lives that we remember and think "oh I need to call" but we never seem to get around to it.  Is there a really quiet antisocial person at your workplace or a shy seemingly unfriendly person at church or a place you visit frequently (chiropractor, massage therapist, doctor's office) that you always seem to wonder about.  Stop wondering .....be friendly step out of your box.....bring them a coffee or a tea.  Believe me when I say random acts of kindness can perform miracles.....watch and see the change it will make in that persons life.  You don't know what is going on in their life or why they seem the way they do and it doesn't matter what matters is we try to be kind.  I would want someone to do that for me if I was seeming that way outwardly wouldn't you?  I always feel great when I do something for someone even if it is the smallest thing.  I challenge anyone reading today to seek out that person that seems so unfriendly and do something kind for them.  It will not only make a difference in their life but in yours too I promise. I have people in my life that I do little things for all the time, not to have some sort of reward or acknowlegdement but to have a satisfaction of sorts.  Make a difference in someone's life today.  Show the person you love or care about that they exist and are cared for.
Steph

Day Ten - Death, Taxes and Weight!

I know they always say there are two definite things in life: Death & Taxes but I think weight should be the third thing.  After making it through Easter Sunday and being thankful it was not Christmas (thanks to a reader for pointing this out) I came to a conclusion.  My conclusion is that my entire social life revolves around food: movies (popcorn), card night (chips and pop), visiting ( snack food), general dinner company ( entree foods and desserts).  There must be some rules to this new life track.  So I thought about it for a bit and this is what I came up with:
NEW RULES OF SOCIAL ENGAGEMENT:

1. When going to a movie have you fluids before and carry your bottle of water for sipping.  You do not need popcorn and junk to view a movie.
2. When having a card night serve healthy snack including those that you are able to eat.  Separate yours previously so you have the size amount you are able to have.  Limit the temptations by not serving chips and junk food.
3. While visiting or being visited and snack food is offered be polite and say "no thanks" that way you are not concerned about eating the wrong thing or feel obligate to eat something you are not supposed to.  Remember to always have your bottle of water to sip.  If offering food for visitors again offer healthier choices and separate yours so you know you have the correct size amount.
4. Dinners or Family functions that involve food or potlucks.  Make something you know you can eat (try to separate a individual size previously for yourself).  Survey the foods and know what you can and cannot eat, if in doubt avoid. 
5. When participating in a meal remember to eat slowly....your amount will be much smaller than others but if you take your time and remember the tip: put fork down between bites, chew 25 times etc then you will have time to let your brain register you are full and you won't seem like you are the only person not eating.

These are just a few of my new rules I came up with because I was a little shocked to realize just how much socialization with friends and family revolves around eating.  Our families next get together is for Mother's Day.  It will be on the Sunday May 8th.....just 4 days before I can eat food....lol....just my luck eh!  I will make my contribution for the dinner but I will plan my food for the day (still on full fluids then) with the knowledge that I can have 1/2 cup of creamed soup or pureed vegetable soup, 1/4 cup of unsweetened applesauce or 1/2 cup of fat free sugar free yogurt.  For a snack I can also have V8 juice or tomato juice.  At least it will be something this time instead of the diluted applejuice I had for our family Good Friday lunch.  I am learning that I must occupy myself with things to do that way I don't think about eating.  I am knitting, crocheting, working on the computer, and a few other things.  Once I am back to work and heading to the gym afterwards I don't think it will be quite as difficult as sitting at home with not a lot to do.  I guess bordom really does effect how people eat.  My challenge to all you readers that are bordom eaters is find an activity to do....replace feeding your face with something physical.   My new mantra is : I will take control and not let control take me!   This is a war!  And we are at battle.....be armed, be ready, be aware and we will defeat the enemy!
Steph

Day Nine - Chocolates, treats and me!

Happy Easter everyone!  I woke up this morning to get up and fill hollow plastic metallic eggs with chocolates and treats for my children and my niece's and nephew.  As I packed the eggs with the peanutbutter cups, mini cream eggs, mini cabury caramilk eggs I started to think about the change I have made.  Normally I would be packing the eggs and grabbing a mini egg for myself here and there and truth be told I don't even know why as I am not a huge chocolate fan.  I had a few trays of 8 peanut butter cups ....I watched my husband devour the tray in short order.  I could smell the chocolate and peanut butter and for one slight moment was disappointed, but then I just laughed to myself.  Nothing in life comes without sacrifice...right.  I headed out of my house and stopped at my parent's church to run in a Easter Card for them....and what was there in the lobby....yes a large buffet of different kinds of cheese, ham, pineapple, breads, yogurts, fruits (now see this bothers me more than the chocolate cause I love cheese and fruit).  I avoided the buffet and talked to my parents spoke with a few other people and made my exit.  Next stop was Tim Hortons for my husband....of course, the new Turkey Chipotle Cheese Bagel Sandwich is on a huge poster when you hit the drive through.....laughing I said out loud "great just what I wanted to see."  I was part way through the drive through when my son decided he needed a toasted bagel with herb and garlic cream cheese....the darn smell made my mouth water.  Now finally on my way to church , got my small bottle of diluted apple juice and I am doing fine.  At church, listening to the service and my niece is popping chocolate in her mouth every so often and I am smiling.....good thing she is the size of a peanut.  Church is done, everyone is talking about Easter dinner.....some are talking turkey,stuffing and all the trimming, some were talking about Hams and scalloped potatoes, some were talking about lamb and mint jelly then there was the ones talking about stuffed salmon.....then I was sad and a little hungry.  Just my luck today after church there is a program called "corner cafe" today they had a lovely buffet of sandwiches ( of course, the one and only this I can say that I have craved this whole time was on the sandwich tray...tuna), cheese and cracker trays, fruit trays, sweet trays, and a lovely cake.  I was sure today wasn't my day.....but I continued to smile and drink my juice.  Now I still have to say that I haven't had any pain , but last night for the first time I had this funny wave of lightheadedness and nausea.....and again this morning.  Now this could be that I just did too much yesterday or maybe I didn't drink enough fluids (finding the broth is getting harder and harder to have .....bland tasteless yuk water) looking forward to thursday when I can finally have some creamed soups or the homemade pureed soups I made.  Flavour or lack there of is driving me nutz.  Oh....and the funnier part is my friend knitter just called and said that she is bringing Cabury Easter Creme Eggs Brownies over for my family for dessert tonight.  I think I better laugh or I just might cry.  Anyways, I am trying to have a little more fluids and I think I am gonna take a nap.  My wonderful hubby is handling the ham and glazing it for me right now.  Cheesy herb & garlic scalloped potatoes are in the oven just need to make the honey glazed carrots but I think I can do that after a nap.  So to all my friends enjoying their Easter dinners from turkeys to prime rib, cake to chocolates enjoy each and every bite and think of me eating my bland broth and jello. Only four more days and I can have a different menu.  That's enough to be thanking the good Lord for lol!  Happy Easter everyone!
Steph

Day Eight - Awww the smell of spring, a clean house and the "J" Team

At exactly 9:00am this morning the troops arrived....that is the cleaning crew troops.  My cousin and my mother were first through the door carrying a laundry basket filled to the bring with cleaning supplies, paper towels, garbage bags and other cleaning materials.  Shortly after my sister in law arrived....she had the "go go juice"....she stopped at Tim Horton's first!  My cousin grabbed what she needed and headed for the upstairs...tackling the upstairs bathroom, Grady's room and the hallway & stairs.  My mother headed for the kitchen and started with the floors.  She really did not appreciate the fact that we have dogs.  As my mother cleaned the floors my sister in law thoroughly managed the counters and sink, stove top and microwave.  These three women worked like professional cleaners.  There is no need for Molly Maid I just need my family to descend apon my home once in awhile.  The finished kitchen sparkled and gleamed with everything from the floors, dog dishes and sugar dispenser having been cleaned.  They then moved on to my livingroom where my mother just about twisted inside out looking at the loads of dust that have accumulated on my entertainment centre.  My cousin worked like a little soldier washing my stairs, front hallway halls, floor, front door, mirrored closet doors and window. My sister in law pulled everything off the shelves in the main entertainment centre and dusted everything and returned it to its place.  My mother vacuumed and dusted my hutch and china cabinet.  The cleaning crew was just about finished when my child who had been in bed asleep until oh...11:30 paraded down the stairs and asked to have help cleaning her room.  My cousin and sister in law headed up the stairs and helped Paige.  Vacuuming and removing several of my missing glasses from her room ( not really keen on age 15 but can't say I'm looking forward to age 16 much more!).  With windows open the smell of Spring was coming in and the smell of the cleaners was permeating my home.  Now if anyone knows my family and my mother inperticularily you will know she enjoys cleaning, has the cleanest home I have ever been in and loves things to smell clean.  As they finished up my mom pulls out a mini air freshener and spritz' my house.  I laughed as it was a funny little finishing touch.  The ladies came in a quick manner and left the same way.  I must say they did a fabulous job cleaning and I am so very thankful to have a wonderful family that would help me out with this chore while I am recovering.   Many thanks to the three "J's" for your time and energy that you took this morning to help me out.  The "J" Team had no soon left and my door bell went with my dad dropping off my son.  Now Grady was so excited to see me he wanted to tell me everything at once.  This took some time to go through everything he needed to say.  Grady was just finishing his talk and the doorbell was going again.  This time it was a friend from work.  Lady "K" had brought her cute little girl with her to deliver a beautiful floral bouquet, two different cards signed by many coworkers and a very thoughtful gift from some of my coworkers.  Ladies you know who you are and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart as the card and the gift mean so much.  I was touched to see so very many signatures on the cards.  Thank you for being so encouraging and keeping me in your thoughts while I am away.  I miss being at work but am enjoying the rest at home.....besides two more weeks at home with the husband and I will need to go back to work for my own sanity....kidding dear!  All in all today has been a relaxing and enjoyable day.  Tomorrow is my big test day....kinda like preparing for a big exam.  I prepared my scalloped potatoes today and got them in the oven cooking now as I don't want to rush after church tomorrow to prepared them.  I have the ham defrosting and will put it in the oven with the honey mustard glaze along with the potatoes tomorrow.  Maple carrots, homemade biscuits and applie pie to conquer yet.  As I type this I can smell the scalloped potatoes cooking and they smell so great.  The temptation isn't there to eat them as I know this cook be dangerous at this point but taste the creamy onion chive sauce or the swiss cheese topping would be delightful.  Soon I keep telling myself "SOON".  Have a great saturday night friends.....enjoy yourselves and call someone you care about and tell them.
Steph

Day Seven - Good Friday, Fish & Chips and 21 Days!

 First I would like to begin by wishing everyone that cares ....Happy Easter and for those of you that don't...well, please enjoy your long weekend on us.  Now let's talk about my day.  Got up had my delicious jello and diluted juice breaky and went to church.  On the way to church my wonderful husband stopped at Tim Horton's to get himself not one, but two coffees and bought my daughter a hot chocolate.  Now I am not a coffee drinker so neither here nor there but it smells so darn good I am thinking of trying it again.  Went to church listened to the Good Friday service which was pretty good ( little biased my brother is the pastor) then waited for my family so we could all go out for lunch.  We, all 11 of us descended upon "The Fifty's" Diner.  The place was packed to the limit and the servers were just running.  Have to say that the lady that waited our table was very pleasant and really did try to help me out as much as she could.  Of course, one of the days specials was fish & chips which 6 out of the 11 of us ordered.  Another special on the menu today was a Tuna Fish Melt.....I have been saying to my husband all week that I just want a tuna sandwich so bad.....and there it was!!!!  Now if you know me you know that I love vegetables .....so what does my daughter order a huge vegetable omelette packed with spinach, tomatoes, onions, peppers and tons of cheese!  Plus it came with a side of cream of cauliflower soup and veggies (broccoli, cauliflower & carrots) and rye toast ( bet ya can't guess what my favourite bread is!).  Next to me sat my darling Geoff, he ordered my absolute favourite meal off "The Fifty's" menu......smoked meat spaghetti special and for an extra 50 cents you get a second plate (he got this to take home!).  There was no broth type soup on the menu today that I could just drink the broth....cream of cauliflower was the soup of the day.....can't have creamed soups till next Thursday.  I ordered a water & a apple juice in which I diluted in another glass.  Now I have said all this to say It really sounds bad....but it didn't bother me!  I was full drinking my juice.  My parents were there and many thanks to them they picked up the bill.  Had to laugh though .....thanked my dear ole dad for my yummy diluted juice.....then asked him why the heck he didn't buy my a steak 3 weeks ago when I could still eat?  I love fish....thought maybe I would have a hard time watching everyone eat fish & chips and the rest of the yummy dishes that were coming out of the kitchen at rapid rates of speed, but I didn't!  There was a mother and daughter sitting next to me ....they both ordered bacon and eggs, not usually a big bacon fan but man it smelled good!  I left the restaurant chuckling to myself.....I did it!  Sat through a huge family meal and didn't eat anything and wasn't really tempted to eat anything.  Went home to enjoy my broth, jello and 1/3 package of crystal light.  I have six days left and then I can have small amounts of creamed soups, pureed soups ( which I made cream of spinach, cream of potato & onion, cream of squash) previously and some unsweetened applesauce.  I am actually looking forward to this!  I am excited about having some different flavours and textures you know besides broth and jello.  The bigger thrill is in 21 Days I can have real food.....I can have a poached egg, tuna, salmon, 1/4 piece of toast, chicken, turkey, vegetable, mashed potatoes, rice, pasta......oh I am so excited.  Now don't get ahead of me.....not all those foods at once and the sizes are extremely small but that is fine.   I just can't wait! By the time I put food into my mouth it will have been 28 days without solid foods.....this is hilarious to me. Me....I went 28 days without food and I did not parish!!!  I always thought I would die without food .... like I'm starving to death kinda thing.  My next big conquest is ....Sunday.....Easter Sunday I am cooking Honey Ham, cheesy scalloped potatoes, maple carrots and apple & pumpkin pie!   I know I can do this....just hard to cook when you can't taste it....but I can do this!  Abraham Lincoln said "determine the thing that can and shall be done, and then we shall find the way."
Steph

Day Six - My Metal just got Splashed! Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it - Eliza Tabor. Went to my doctor today and was soaring so high about how well things have gone and my weight lose so far. She did the one week check up and then I jumped on the scale. I gotta say I nearly cried...it said that I was up 8 lbs since I came home from the hospital. How is this possible....I have no caloric intake.....broth is like 5 calories and sugar free jello is zero calories and diluted apple juice is maybe 30 calories at most! How can I gain weight? I was so upset! Talk about deflating your sails. Both the doctor and the receptionist said that the scale probably isn't calebrated the same as the scale I weighed out on at the hospital, but still I was really disappointed. I mean it is only a minor set back but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought about not writing my blog today or even just not talking about my check up. I guess hiding it isn't worth it since I have been so honest and upfront but part of me just doesn't want to hear those doubters going see I told you she would fail. Robert Kivosaki said that the size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way. So now that I have admitted that I was definitely rattled and a little deflated I will tell you that I am not destroyed! This will just make me work harder towards my goal. When you dream something for so very long and it finally happens it is a little surreal. My dream is my reality and my reality is I just had gastric bypass surgery 6 days ago and I am doing fabulously so I had a little set back. Next week will be better! One day at a time, one week at a time, one road block at a time. "Dreams are renewable. No matter what age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." (Dale E.Turner) I used to think that things in my life would never come to pass; loving someone again...it did; getting married again....it did; going back to college....it did; having gastric bypass surgery ....it did! I am excited that I have had the opportunity to experience this transition in my life. I am thrilled that as I sit and type at my computer daily to write these blogs that I learn something new about myself everyday. Getting to know myself again and how I really am has been a wonderful experience and continues to be a great learning curve daily. Some people think that I am crazy writing a blog and exposing myself and my personal emotions, feeling and well just personal life in general to the public. Www.dictionary.reference.com indicates crazy used as a noun is unpredictable, nonconforming person, oddball. To those who think I am crazy then "thanks". The last thing I ever want to do is be predictable. I would much rather be random and unusual. My personality just doesn't fit that of a conforming one! Ask any true friend of mine.......I am random and definitely not predictable. Friends that have known my since childhood like Miss "E" would tell you that I beat to my own drum....that generally has a full piece band backing it up. I am good with this. I will continue to be open and honest and relay my feelings whether they are happy, sad; elated or disappointed with all the readers as I think that there are people that will related and empathsize with me. Those same people will know that I am with them and that I understand them and together we can push on to achieve the goals we have set for ourselves. "Only as high as I can reach can I grow; only as far as I seek can I go; Only as deep as I look can I see; Only as much as I dream can I be." Karen Ravn. My challenge to everyone today is reach, seek, look deep and dream! For you can only grow, go, see and be!

 Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it - Eliza Tabor.  Went to my doctor today and was soaring so high about how well things have gone and my weight lose so far.  She did the one week check up and then I jumped on the scale.  I gotta say I nearly cried...it said that I was up 8 lbs since I came home from the hospital.  How is this possible....I have no caloric intake.....broth is like 5 calories and sugar free jello is zero calories and diluted apple juice is maybe 30 calories at most!  How can I gain weight?  I was so upset!  Talk about deflating your sails.  Both the doctor and the receptionist said that the scale probably isn't calebrated the same as the scale I weighed out on at the hospital, but still I was really disappointed.  I mean it is only a minor set back but it hit me like a ton of bricks.  I thought about not writing my blog today or even just not talking about my check up.  I guess hiding it isn't worth it since I have been so honest and upfront but part of me just doesn't want to hear those doubters going see I told you she would fail.  Robert Kivosaki said that the size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire; the size of your dream; and how you handle disappointment along the way.  So now that I have admitted that I was definitely rattled and a little deflated I will tell you that I am not destroyed!  This will just make me work harder towards my goal.  When you dream something for so very long and it finally happens it is a little surreal.  My dream is my reality and my reality is I just had gastric bypass surgery 6 days ago and I am doing fabulously so I had a little set back.  Next week will be better! One day at a time, one week at a time, one road block at a time.  "Dreams are renewable.  No matter what age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born." (Dale E.Turner)  I used to think that things in my life would never come to pass; loving someone again...it did; getting married again....it did; going back to college....it did; having gastric bypass surgery ....it did!  I am excited that I have had the opportunity to experience this transition in my life.  I am thrilled that as I sit and type at my computer daily to write these blogs that I learn something new about myself everyday. Getting to know myself again and how I really am has been a wonderful experience and continues to be a great learning curve daily.  Some people think that I am crazy writing a blog and exposing myself and my personal emotions, feeling and well just personal life in general to the public.  Www.dictionary.reference.com indicates crazy used as a noun is unpredictable, nonconforming person, oddball.  To those who think I am crazy then "thanks".  The last thing I ever want to do is be predictable.  I would much rather be random and unusual.  My personality just doesn't fit that of a conforming one!  Ask any true friend of mine.......I am random and definitely not predictable.  Friends that have known my since childhood like Miss "E" would tell you that I beat to my own drum....that generally has a full piece band backing it up.  I am good with this.  I will continue to be open and honest and relay my feelings whether they are happy, sad; elated or disappointed with all the readers as I think that there are people that will related and empathsize with me.  Those same people will know that I am with them and that I understand them and together we can push on to achieve the goals we have set for ourselves.  "Only as high as I can reach can I grow; only as far as I seek can I go; Only as deep as I look can I see; Only as much as I dream can I be." Karen Ravn.  My challenge to everyone today is reach, seek, look deep and dream!  For you can only grow, go, see and be!
Steph

Day Five - TV Ads & Twisted Messages!

Day Five and feeling really good.  Still on my broth, diluted juice and jello diet but am actually enjoying it.  I get up and doing some slow walking every hour and walk up and down the stairs once (not by choice the washrooms are either up a floor or down a floor) but none the less I do it.  Now being home with my husband makes things a little different then me being home alone.  When I am home I often don't have a tv on.  This is just me...I love to read or just rest and be quiet but Geoff is a tv kinda guy.  The minute he gets out of bed the tv is on.  Well, since I have been sitting here watching the tv I have come to a few conclusions: 1) 3 out of 5 commercials are for fast food 2) Once an hour is a commercial that speaks about obesity  3) We are a confused nation.....the mixed messages that are sent to the daily viewer is insane.....for example commerical one is OLG play Ontario Lotto  next commerical is about gambling!  According to an article from the Canadian Press published March 2 2011 one in four Canadian adults are obese.  An adult with a BMI (Body Mass Index) over 30 is considered obese.  You can find many BMI calculators online to help you find out what your BMI should roughly be.  I fall into a range of obesity that the doctors call super morbid obesity.  That's right my BMI was 59.  This was greatly disturbing to me one of the major reasons I decided to have gastric bypass surgery.  I had surgery to save my life.  The rise in children in Canada being overweight and obese has tripled in the last 25 years.  The government of Canada realises that this is a complex problem and are working out programs to introduce more fitness and health into the school systems.  A tax refund available to parents for sports and physical fitness programs for children under 16.  Now these things are great but what else could be done.  What could we do?  How many times a day do you hear a Tim Horton's commercial or a McDonald's catchy jingle.  Even if you aren't watching the commercial you hear about it and the next time you are strapped for time and drive by you thing "hey that hamburger or wrap or sandwich" looked great I"ll just stop quick....well at the counter or the window they do a quick up sale.....would you like fries or a salad with that or would you like to make that a combo?  We, today's society is so busy and so not focused that we usually just say yes to keep the process moving quicker.  There was 2 320 000 results shown for articles on obesity in Canada when I typed it into Google....Does that scare anyone?  I read some of the articles and I was disgusted.  Thirteen million Canadians will rate in the obese category in 2011.  You cannot turn on your tv in the afternoon and not see Dr.Phil, Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray or some other program that isn't talking about weight gain and obesity.  What to do, When to do it, How to stop it, How to get help.  There seems to be answers all around us but we are sabbotaged by the environment, the economy, our heredity, our finances etc.  The messages that Canadians....no that North American's are being sent are twisted.  Stop and take a long look at what you eat?  How many times a week are you physically fit?  How many times a week are you stopping at a drive thru or a fast food restaurant?  What are different choices you could make for your health for your families health.  I am 36 years old and have just had my insides re routed to help me lose an enormous amount of weight as I could not get control of my weight gain but do you need to let it get this far?  I am not saying that everyone needs to boycott fast food or stop eating out what I am saying is.....make smarter choices. Instead of two burgers one....instead of a double bacon cheese burger try a grilled chicken sandwich or a salad.  There are definitely better eating choices we could make.  I challenge everyone to make a point of taking just one hour a week to go for a long family walk or hit the local YMCA for family swim.  Encourage your friends, family, kids, neighbours to get out and get active.  The time is now and our heath is at stake!  Dont' become at statistic.  Overweight and obese people become the people with heart problems, type 2 diabetes, circulation issues, gout, osteoarthritis, certain types of cancers, hypertension, high cholesterol, complications in pregnancy and female reproductive organs. The Canadian Heart and Stroke Foundation states that from 1985 to 2000, 57,000 deaths in Canada were associated with overweight and obesity. Now this number has increased in the last 11 years causing an alarming debate that has made it's way to our parliament.  New programs and more templates for health promotions are being requested at a parliamentary level as well as a call for a ban on trans fats and more detailed nutritional labels on packaged foods.  I know that my daughter's high school removed the junk food machines and french fries from the cafeteria and brought out more fruits and other healthier choices for the students.  We can make a difference folks, if not for anyone else but ourselves then so be it.  One person at a time, remember "don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do (John Wooden).
Steph

Day Four - One, Two,Three....Look at Me!

Today will be a moment in history, my history....today I made a purchase one I have never ever bought in my life!  Something I would never have imagined buying ....I bought a scale! A scale has always been on the bad word list in my world....you know, like snow when it's mid July and beautiful weather!  I guess I figured that if I didn't have one, I didn't have to get on one and not getting on one ment I didn't have to deal with reality.  No one ever wants to deal with the reality of weight gain!  I mean really it means lots of questions to answer, what am I doing wrong, why am I gaining weight, what should I be doing differently....oh that's the big one.....what needs to be done differently.  Well, as I sit an sip my measured amounts of fluids I finally get it.  It isn't just the calories and the portion sizes but it is the timing of eating and type of foods.  The timing is a huge part of this new learning process for me....day zero to 13 is clear fluids...1/4 cup of broth, 1/8 cup of sugar free jello, 1/4 cup of juice diluted with the same amount of water is my meal.  Now this meal is to be spread out over the time period of an hour to and hour and a half.  Now I haven't finished a meal yet as I am way to full but the paper work talks about sipping from tsps to know your limits or when food is reintroduced eating off a baby fork or spoon to force you to slow down.  Putting your fork or spoon down between each and every mouthful and chewing at least 25 times per mouthful.  All these tips along with following a routine, breakfast, am snack, lunch, pm snack, supper and evening snack are essential to kick starting your new metabolism in the right direction.  Eating your food in the correct order is also a big deal.  Eating your proteins first, then vegetable and fruits, then eat your grains, pastas, rices, potatoes last.  Usually you won't make it all the way through this stage.  I am learning a whole new way of eating and enjoying my food.  Funny never thought I would call a sip of broth and jello food but I am enjoying it and the time it takes to enjoy it.  One of the other things I didn't ever do is look in a mirror or own a full length mirror.  I will now take the time to stop and look at myself....it's not a vanity thing it is a "I want to see the changes" thing.  Never ever wanted to look in a mirror and see changes as I always knew they weren't good and I was getting bigger.  Reversing this cycle feels great! I am really looking forward to a few weeks from now when the surgeon can give me the "ok" to go back to the gym.  Coupling the exercise with the weight reduction will be amazing.  Notice I said weight reduction.  A lovely lady I know made a comment to me that her sister never calls it weight loss and loss indicates that it is something you may find again and I definitely do not want to find it ever again.  I have never been a person to have pictures taken, of people gawk at me even when I was younger and smaller.....just always figured the longer people look at you the more time they have to find flaws.  As I was putting my piercings back in this morning I realized that with my weight reducing quickly I will have many people looking at me and well, I wasn't sure about it for a minutes but then I thought why not.  I should be proud of what I have done so far and what I am doing now....so One, two, three....look at me!
Steph

Day Three - Home Sweet Home

 I was up at 6am and sitting in my chair.  Had a good chat with my roommate and helped feed her breakfast.  I had most of my things ready to go for when Geoff came.  The night nursing staff did the finishing vitals at 6am and the day nursing staff start their vitals at 7:30am (shifts are 7 till 7).  I was up and waiting today.  The nurses came in and out wishing me the best of luck and telling me that I was well on my way to my new life.  Geoff arrived just a few minutes before 8am so that he could give me my injection of Lovenox. Lovenox is a blood thinner that I am required to be on for the next two weeks as a precaution due to the family history of blood clots.  Geoff was taught to give these injections and has given my two already with the nurses watching.  Tonight will be our first injection with just him administer it...I am sure he will do just fine as his daughter has juvenile diabetes and had to give her injections for many years. It was a bit of a chore to find a pharmacy that had the injections though....apparently Shopper's didn't have them or just wasn't willing to order them ...as being a former Shopper's employee and having done the pharmacy ordering I know that the injections could have been ordered this morning at 9:30am and been there this afternoon in there afternoon order.  Anyways they sent us somewhere else so now we are waiting for the arrival of the injections.  The nursing staff gave me instructions and directions on what to do, what to look for and of course, a special staple remover tool to take to my family doctor to have the staples taken out on 28th of April.  All 20 staples, spaced over six incisions.  Nothing to worry about....come this far I can handle a few staples being removed.  Now the highlight of the day besides being home with my doggies and in my own house is I got weighed.  Wierd eh, never thought I would be happy about being weighed but I am pleased to announce that I have lost another 17 lbs since Friday couples with the 20 lbs from the shakes and the 9lbs from just watching and exercise I am down a total of 46 lbs.  My food intake is very small right now but I follow the rules and measure everything exactly until I get used to what I need to intact, but like I said before when you are full you are definitely full.  I am very excited to see the changes that are going to continue to happen.  Rapid weight loss is scary but exciting at the same time.  The nurses insisted by May I will need to buy some new clothes in different sizes.  I have to wait three weeks to be able to go back to the gym but I really am looking forward to going back and getting into a routine.  I am excited that I should be down at least 70lbs by then and should feel better over all about working out.  My new start to my new life is quite energizing.  The encouragement and love from so many friends and family has been exception and I thank you all so much for your concern.  I will continue to blog about my daily journey through my new world.  My new life is looking bright and beautiful but remember not to judge each day by the harvest that you reap but by the seeds that you have sown - Robert Louis Stevenson.

Day Two - Saying goodbye to my dance partner

I sat straight up at 5am.  Now you know the feeling you have when you sleep on your arm and the feeling is just starting to come back....it's not painful but it is a discomfort.  Well the discomfort wasn't leaving so after about 1/2 hour I rang for a nurse.  My night nurse was a delightful little lady that was extremely helpful so when she came she left and immediately got another nurse to come look at my arm.  The Picc was placed in through my bicep just about an inch above the bench in my arm but to the inside (awkward spot to say the least) anyways there was not swelling or irritation around the sight but my arm was sore from the elbow down.  The other nurse said it wouldn't be the PICC cause it would go up and follow the line but if it got worse to let them know.  I said ok and back to sleep I went ....well by 9am the discomfort level hadn't changed but my entire arm was sore and light red and hot.   The nurses (now the day shift staff) called the doctor and an order was made for the PICC line to be removed.  The charge nurse came to do this....she was an older lady that reminded me of "Haddy" from NCIS-Los Angles....she was small and had a different sense of humour...lol. She came in and offered me Oxycodone and I refused as I was sure if it didn't hurt too much going in then I was sure it wasn't going to hurt coming out.  I was right.  The charge nurse told me to take a deep breathe, hold it and bare down like having a baby.  There was a young student nurse that was watching the procedure and she had to hold the heavy pressure on the site for 5 full minutes.  The charge nurse said I had to lay completely flat for 15 minutes straight to stop any chance of bleeding or air embolisms. An air embolism could mean big problems.  So I laid flat for the 15 minutes and then Geoff helped me sit up ( by the way Geoff had to leave for this procedure cause he was afraid he would pass out watching the almost 5 feet of tubing come out of my arm and chest).  Once I sat up the discomfort and swelling was gone within 10 minutes or so.  So not being stuck to the IV pole anymore I could walk around a little easier so getting up to go to the washroom and do my hallway walk was a lot less difficult.  Geoff again was fabulous with getting me up to the washroom and ensuring I was doing my walking.  Of course, he was there to make sure he laughed and made his comments about the tuba player and the bowel band.  I thought I had no control with the shakes, lordy lordy ....there was no silence and there was definitely a smell!  This time there was no embarrassment!  It felt so good to beltch or "pass wind" or "let 'er rip" since they pump you so full of air to complete the surgery.    So for the first time in my life I have been farting up a storm and burping like a trucker....been kinda good too!  I'm sure I can't get away with it for too much longer as the gas seems to be getting much better...but gonna ride that train for awhile.   Had a few visitors on Sunday which made the day pass a little quicker, plus had the company of my very spry and witty 80 year old roommate.  Now my chatty roommate had lots to say about lots of different issues as at 80 she has definitely seen alot.  Her health was not in the greatest of states but has been poor for a majority of her life.  The amazing thing was to see her 84 year old husband come up and care for her.  He fed her, he rubbed her legs, he brought her the stuff she requested, he talked so lovingly to her, "what can I do for you", "how can I help you", "let me massage your feet" ....I darn near asked him to come over to my side when she told him "no" just let me be.  My roommate was impressed with my husband as well as the nurses....because they said not many young men are as attentive as Geoff or as dedicated.   But I was impressed with her husband of 59 years...wow, eh....that is 22 years longer than I have been alive.  Maybe Geoff will be that good when we have been together 59 years, but that is a long long time to go yet so I must continue to train him....I think some has paid off!  Sunday night I was able to have a shower and wash my hair and get all cleaned up.  This felt wonderful.  I am telling you I felt 100% better once I showered.  I sat up and talked with my roommate for a couple hours and then retired myself to have a good night sleep.  The doctor had been in previously that day so I knew my discharge was scheduled for 9am so I was ready and willing to leave.  So I closed my eyes and said good night and good bye to my last full day at the hospital.

Steph

Day One - The First Day of the Rest of My Life

This day started at some point during the night.  Now I had no dilusions going into this surgery and I had previously spoken to the anesthesiologist about me not doing so well with the anesthetic.  So I figured there would be a few rought spots.  I woke up retching from my toes but nothing at all to be thrown up so I retched.  I did this one and off for several hours and it finally ceased at 2pm on Saturday when my blood pressure decided that it was going to head back up to a normal range.  Once the retching had stopped the very pleasant nursing staff was allowing to introduce a clear fluid diet.  I then had to start with 30mls of fluid every hours....this was generally apple juice or cranberry juice diluted at a mix of 50% juice and 50% water.  At this point I stll had my dance partner and wonderful mate...my IV pole and the PICC line still.  This was to be left in for the morphine drip and any other medications that might need to be given.  So, my wonderful husband who was at the hospital earlier than 9am each morning and left when visiting hours were over at 8pm.  Got me up and walked me every hour or so to the washroom and up and down the hall.  The nurses were thrilled that I was up and walking and doing so well.  Suppertime came and the young man that brought my "dinner" had the biggest cheese eating grin as he handed me the tray and said "enjoy".... the 1/2 cup of broth, 1/4 cup of jello, 1/4 cup of apple juice must not have looked so appetizing to him, but I have had sawdust and donkey doo doo shakes for 2 weeks it looked fantastic.  Well, the nurse warned to go slow and space it all out.  I was advised I could eat it all but it should take me a little over an hours to have it all.  Well, I spaced it out and at 45 mins minutes I had drank 4 tsps of broth and taken 2 tsps of jello and I was FULL!  Full like oh oh my belly hurts ....like 10 course turkey dinner...like need to sleep for a month kinda full!  I was a little surprising but I just went with it.  I pushed food away....this is a new practice in my life.  Pushing my tray away and  and knowing I was full was a big step for me.  I dozed off for awhile and then started my walking routine with Geoff again.  I felt really well.....In fact folks I felt so damn well that I never once touched any of the pain medication that was available as I never had pain.  I did my walking and started to pass the gas that I needed to right away an only once felt just a little discomfort from the gas, but it was gone as soon as I got up moved around.  Geoff left at the end of visiting hours and I settled in for the night.  I gained a new roommate at some point during the evening.   I had a not bad sleep and was ready to to start Day Two.  Wooo HHoooo feeling well, no pain and drinking my fluids.  It was a good day!

Steph

DAY ZERO - IT'S TIME!

 The alarm clock flashed 5:00 am over and over and over again this morning.  I wasn't sure if I really wanted to get out of bed. Geoff got up and turned on the lights and shut off the annoying alarm clock.  Today was the day....you know the big day....the one I've been counting down to...the one all the readers have been waiting for me to get to.  Well it is here and It's Time to get moving on the first day of the rest of my life.  Geoff and I quickly got prepared for the day and then waiting for my father to come pick us up as Geoff still needed his hand looked at later in the day by his surgeon.  I made it from the bedroom to the livingroom, double checked that I had all my things together and ready to go to the hospital and sat down for a few minutes.  Now I have to say I slept quite well the previous night and I still wasn't very nervous.  Of course there was the normal little jitters but I really was doing remarkably well.  Soon my dad was at the door and ready to pick us up.  I said good bye to my doggies and locked my front door, thinking as I did I will never be the same again....the next time I walk through this door everything will have changed.....for the better!  Into the car we got and my father transported us off to Guelph General Hospital.  We arrive about 6:27am found parking and headed up to the 3rd floor.  I registered at the desk where I had been previously instructed to go and then weighed in.....oh yes, sawdust and donkey doo doo shakes pay off cause I was down 20 lbs folks....that makes 29lbs since Christmas!  I was quite happy.  Once my weight was handed in it was down the hall and around the corner to another waiting room.  There I left my dad and Geoff and went through another door and registered with surgical day care.  I two really well organized nurses had my paperwork ready to go, double checked about my Latex allergy and took my to my cubicle where I was to change and wait to go into surgery at 9am.  I then went back out to the outer waiting room said goodbye to my dad and Geoff and I went into wait in my appointed area.  After changing and filling in more paperwork another nurse came and took all my vitals.  I asked a few questions about the surgery and got some basic answers but did get a glowing recommendation about the doctor and how wonderful a skilled surgeon he was.  The time went quickly and soon it was 5 minutes to 9am.  The Porter showed up and just as he said my name his phone went off and well, so did he.  I quickly got up and went to the washroom thinking this was my last chance to do so before he came back.  Once back from the washroom Geoff said a nurse had been there and said there was an emergency and the surgery would be delayed for awhile.  The ticking of the wall clock became louder and louder as I sat there and waited.  Finally at 10am I sent Geoff off as he had to be back in Cambridge at the hospital there to see the surgeon and have his stitches removed.  I kissed my husband goodbye wished him luck and said "See ya on the flip side honey".  The darn clock kept ticking and ticking and it was louder and louder.  At exactly 10:15 am the thick accently french porter returned.  He apologized for the delay asked if I needed anything and then very quietly and calmly explained the next several steps that we would be doing.  He whizzed me down the halls and into the surgical suites and parked my infront of OR#3.  The big double doors leading into the or room had small windows but I could see the large lights and equipment hanging from the walls and ceilings.  Outside there was 3 Canadian geese fighting with I believe was a doctor trying to use the entrance to the operating suites.  A doctor and a nurse walked through the hall laughing about the geese that guard the doctors entrance.  I closed my eyes and said a quick prayer.  My faith and God had brought me this far, then I was sure that my faith and God would carry me the rest of the way.....you know like the poem that has the footprints in the sand.....it goes from two sets to one.....that is when God is carrying the other person through the difficult time.  As I finished my quick prayer the surgeon came to see me and we had a quick conversation.  Then was the anesthesiologist, she was so very kind.  I asked about the PICC line and how it worked exactly and if it could move again.  She was wonderful in explaining things and took time to assure me that I didn't have to worry.  She then told me that all would be fine and that my airways were great so I could have the intubation done while I was asleep.  I believe I said Hallejuiah! My third vistor was the head OR nurse and again very very kind.  She double checked everything the two doctors had and went over my latex allergy one more time.  She patted my arm and said she would be back for me in 5 more minutes as they were doing one more offical sweept of the OR#3 for latex.  Good to her promise she was back in 5 minutes with a warm blank that was wrapped around me as I walked into the room that my body would change in forever.  The little tiny table made me giggle and I even said I am supposed to fit my butt on that little table.  The 3 nurses and the anesthesiologist all chuckled and said that would soon change.  I got myself arranged on the operating table under the huge lights and all the equipment I say before and a scurry of things began to happen. Oxygen went on my nose, arm boards under my arms, multiple surgical drapes to cover me up.  The next thing was a kind voice saying " now you will feel a little slee...."  I am sure it was sleepy but I was already out.  There is no delay with a PICC line and I was down for the count.  The next time I remember walking up was in my room on the 6th floor sometime Friday night.  I could hear Geoff's voice but I don't think I opened my eyes.  Just knowing he was there was good and off to sleep I went again.  Surgery was done! My new life had begun...now IT's Time to live it!
Steph

1 Day - One Down, One To Go!

it's down to the last 15 1/2 hours! I went to work this morning and was able to concentrate remarkablly.  A very special thanks to all my friends for their well wishes, prayers and hugs!  You're encouragement and positiveness are being held on tight to as this journey comes to an end and I begin a whole new journey!  The procedure for the PICC line went fairly well at first.  I was a little nervous with all the medical equipment and supplies that they continued to bring out.  I was was absolutely thrilled with the nursing staff at the professional, friendly and helpful way they presented themselves.  The main nurse completely explain the procedure and how and what would happen.  When the doctor came into the room she introduced him, and he was very friendly.  The nurse put freezing in the upper part of my right arm ( right by the side of the bisep) then the doctor feed the thin wire up my arm and across my chest and into the top part of my heart.  There was no real pain to this just a quick pinch, a little discomfort or pressure felt but all in all it was fine.  The entire procedure was said and done in 1/2 hour.  I sat up to have one more xray done to make sure all was in place correctly.....this is where things changed!  The wire had been removed and the catheter in place but I guess what they said is when the wire was pulled out the catheter moved...The cathater came out of the large vein in it was in and I quote "jumped" into my neck.  There again was no pain to this but they sure moved quick. I had to lie down again and they called the doctor back for "round two".  The thin wire (looks like piano wire) was again threaded through my arm but into my neck this time to move the cathater back into place at the top of my heart.  I had to turn my head to the left so they could thread the wire correctly and then back to the right and look down.  There was really no pain just a very strange sensation that went through my neck and up the right side of my face.  This disappeared quite quickly when the cathater was put in the correct area again.  My arm is a little tender but nothing I can't handle.  I am doing ok and all is well.  My house is filled with the smell of baked lasagna right now and the funny thing is I don't even care.  I came home had my shake and am going to take it easy and rest for the remaining part of the evening.  I am so excited right now that I can hardly stand it but I know it will be here sooner than I know.  The wait time has gone so very fast.  I will be excited to see how much weight I have lost when I step on the scale tomorrow morning at the hospital.  That is the first thing that has to be done when I register in the morning.  I think things are off to a great start and I made it through today without much difficulty at all.  The next step is the surgery which I am confident I will soar through then on to recovery and my new life....the new me!  I have my bags packed, my sleep apnea machine ready to go, my health card and my E-reader.  I loaded 5 new books and plan on reading till my heart is content.  I am not sure that I will be able to blog tomorrow but I will blog as soon as I can.  I wish you all the peace of mind and heart that I have.  Take good care my friends and I will see you all on the other side.
Paige,Grady and Geoff.....I love you all! I will see you soon!
Mom (Steph)

2 Days - Countdown, Scrubdown, Meltdown

39 Hours, 16 minutes and I am at the final destination of this countdown.  I cannot believe how fast the time has gone.  It has flown by.  It feels just like yesterday when I started this countdown to my surgery.  I am so thrilled about all the people that have viewed the blog and walked this road with me.  Your comments and emails have certainly made my journey interesting and filled with encouragement.  Now for all the faithful daily viewers don't dispare as the countdown nears zero days.  Zero is not the ending it is the beginning of the new chapter of my life.  I will start at day zero and count up now as up is towards the sky and the sky is the limit for what I can achieve.  I ask you all to join me in finishing this journey and starting my new journey.  We can walk and talk, laugh and cry as make my way towards my first goal of losing 100lbs.
Now for the scrubdown part of this blog....tonight will be my last chance to have a shower, bathe, get all cleaned up before I begin the last day before surgery. I am going to work tomorrow because it is better than sitting at home and worrying.  I won't have anytime when I am done work to go home and have personal time before I head to the hospital to have the PICC Line inserted.  This procedure takes 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours so by the time I am done and going home for the night I won't be able to shower or do any of major things I need to do.   I plan on having on of those long leisurely baths tonight with all the smelly girly stuff ...oh, and candles.  Wait, maybe not too many candles I am thinking I might need more light to shave my legs.  Investing in a new razor might not have been the best idea.....maybe renting a weed wacker would have been more appropriate.  I didn't realize that I was sporting the really really retro cavelady look.  I won't even mention the terrible mess that the "pits from hell" are in.  Does amazon and tar pits mean anything to anyone?  Good thing I bought a multipack of razors ....now I think I better buy a commercial size bottle of draino! Next would be making sure that my hair is washed and done (reference:The Hair Do That Did).  If my hair is not done then I won't be any good to anyone.I really need to make sure every inch (and there is a lot of those right now) of my body is clean and smelling good, you know body spray, body butter...powders.   I know it sounds really wierd but I always feel better no matter what the situation is when I have a shower and am cleaned up and ...well groomed (lol, the politest way to put that).
Meltdown: I think a lot of people are expecting me to have some sort of melt down.  Now I am not saying that I am not nervous because of course I am a little nervous.  I had a few moments of "oh my gosh" and "oh man" today but they didn't last long.  My hands did a little shake at one point or my body was doing Elvis impersonations without me again...not sure which.  I seem to have a peace.  A peace that is comforting both my heart and mind.  I know that there has been many prayers, positive energy and other sentiments sent my way.  Thank you all for contributing to my calmness.  Martin Luther King Jr said "Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek but a means by which we arrive at the goal."  With peace I am arriving at my goal! My life long goal, my new start.  "It isn't enough to talk about peace, one must believe in it and it isn't enough to believe in it one must work for it."  Eleanor Roosevelt. I have worked for it and I feel I have achieved a peacefulness that will keep me through the picc line procedure, the surgery and the recovery.  I have just found out that my husband will be with me just before I go into surgery but he will have to leave the hospital to see the surgeon who operated on his hand Friday morning....they insist he need to be seen only at Cambridge Hospital in the fracture clinic....won't make any exceptions.  Gotta love people that have understanding and compassion.  Geoff may or may not make it back in time to be with me in recovery and that doesn't make me nervous it just makes me angry.  I cannot change the situation at all, Geoff had our family physician even try calling the surgeon and the hospital but there was no way to work around this situation.  I am disappointed but I am strong and I will do what I have to do to achieve this, the next step on my way to success.  I will be fine, me and my faith alone will make it through each difficult spot.  "Don't fill your life with worry- fix what you can and let the rest take care of itself" (anonymous). A interesting quote I heard was "To look back all the time is boring.  Excitement lies in tomorrow" (Natalia Makrova).  Tomorrow is exciting and the next day will be even more exciting....each new day will bring more excitement.  There is a famous quote by Mother Teresa that says "a smile is the beginning of peace" so I will grin from ear to ear....something like the cheshire cat.
Steph

3 Days - Time, Love & Tenderness

Children are grand and they say the greatest things!  A coworker told me a story about her son (I think he is 7) and what happened at Sunday School this past weekend.  The parents and the children were gathered together while a police officier spoke to them.  The officier asked the children if they knew one of the things that he carried all the time?  After a few answers and pulled out his handcuffs and showed the crowd.  Well, my coworkers son was quick to announce to the church attendees that those looked just like the ones his mom had beside her bed!  My coworker now glowing red tried to explain that they were left from a costume they had used a few weeks ago for a murder mystery evening her and her husband had hosted but I am not sure anyone heard her through the laughter.   Awwww the love you have for your children sure comes in handy right at those special moments.  My son is 12,  he does not live at home with me full time..Grady has some special needs and requires more help throughout the week.  Grady doesn come home every Friday afternoon and goes back to his residents on Sunday nights.  My son is extremely smart and has a wonderful vocabulary.  I won't explain his needs but I will say that his has a very tender heart.  We talk almost every other night throughout the week and you just never know what discussion he might decide he wants to have.  Last he called to talk to me.....Mom, is tomorrow your surgery?  No Grady on Friday that is in 4 more sleeps (this was Monday evening).  Oh ok....I asked him if there was something wrong.  He kinda avoided the question but I knew if I gave him some TIME he would let me know.  We talked about the walk he was going on, his hockey cards, saving his allowance and putting money in the bank.  Then he said Mom, can I come to the hospital with you?  I said "no honey, I have to go alone with Dad"....there was a long pause "but I need to see you".  I asked him why and his response was "You are my mom and you need to know I love you before you have an operation and I can't hug you over the phone".  I thought for a moment and told him that I knew he loved me and that I know he is hugging me in his heart.  There was a little panic and he quickly asked about seeing my afterward.  The lady that is the supervisor of his residents had previously told me that if I was feeling well on the Saturday they would bring him to see me.  I explained to Grady what had been said and if that would be ok.  He felt this was alright but he needed me to explain the operation again and why I was having it.  The a simple explanation I told him everything in a nut shell.  This created another long pause that I actually asked if he was still there.  "Mom, I understand that you want you want your leg fixed and that you have to lose weight to do that but don't you know that the outside doesn't matter what you look like it's the inside.  Besides you are pretty anyways"  My unique boy, has more understanding than most adults.....if we could all think like him this world would be a better place.  A man in Walmart a few months ago called him a "Retard" because he was counting out his money to slow to pay for his purchase.  I just wonder who the for lack of better wording dim witted person was.  The tenderness that children show is more special than anything we will ever experience in our lives.  Hug your children tonight and tell them that you love them unconditionally.  My time line is shortening as we speak.....I don't feel as nervous today as I did yesterday.  Maybe the words of love from my son have calmed me, or all the prayers that people have said for me maybe it is the calm before the storn or just me realizing that this chapter of my life is ending and a new one is beginning. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 is a biblical verse about  anxiety and having a peace that passes all understanding.  I am not a religious nut but I do believe that God is with me and that He will protect and keep me through this difficult transition in my life.  It is said that Time, Love and Tenderness heal all things including a broken heart.  My heart is not broken but there was times in my life it was  and as the song says "Oh, nothing is a sad as it seems, you know 'Cause someday you'll laugh at the heartache Someday, you'll laugh at the pain Somehow you'll get through the heartache Somehow you can get through the rain."  My someday is soon, I will look back at all the struggles and laugh.  The years of embarrassment, shame and humiliation will be washed away with the rain and I will be on a new road, a new way of life.   The thought I will leave you with is "Courage is the power to let go of the familiar" Raymond Lindquist and the challenge I leave you with is get ready to let go of the familiar ..... take the motto of "out with the old and in with the new!"
Steph

4 Days - FogHorn LegHorn and The Scale!

FogHorn J Leghorn was born in 1946 to Looney Tunes & Merrie Melodies.  Robert Mckimson created this super large rooster with the "good ole boy" attitude and south Viriginian Accent.  Now I know you want to know why I am talking about cartoons, right!  Geoff, my wonderfully funny husband, uses humour to handle most things including stress, anxiety and me!  When I was a kid I always loved FogHorn LegHorn, but now I enjoy him just because of his sarcasm and the fact that he was the instigator of many pranks that always back fired on him.  The most memorable thing about FogHorn is the way he talked.....Well, now I say son, I say....was probably the way most of his comments started.  Having one of those "pillow talk" conversations with Geoff last night and venting a little about people, comments and expressing some of my anxieties...he broke into a full southern FogHorn LegHorn accent and said Well, now I say, I say I dont' understand what it is your pretty little head is worried about, Miss.  I will, I wll be right there and I won't be looking at any other chicks.  I say, I say you are the only chick for me!  Well, I started to laugh and then the snorting came, which in turn brings more laughter until my ribs hurt so damn much that I thought I was gonna get sick.  The tears rolled down my face as I laughed hysterically at my husband.  He began to laugh and we layed there roaring in laughter for at least 15 minutes.  Mr. FogHorn J Leghorn made my night and is still making me smile today.  I think Geoff is watching cartoons while I am at work and he is off recovering from his surgery.  The company I work for is running a biggest loser contest and we have scales set up at work in a private area.  Today I strolled over to the scale area and kicked off my shoes and jumped on and then off....did I really want to know?  What if I wasn't doing well?  Oh the panic started to engulf me and then I could hear FogHorn LegHorn in my head " Well, now I say, I say I dont' understand what it is your pretty little head is worried about, Miss."  I laughed out loud to myself and stepped on the scale again this time I opened my eyes and read the big digital numbers.  I am happy to say that I am down 16.8 lbs!!!  I did a little happy dance and thanked God and secretly thanked my personal FogHorn LegHorn for the strength to do this.  I have 13 shakes left to drink and am hoping that I make it to the 20 lb mark by Friday.  My excitement is still building but my nerves are getting a little frazzled too or as Foghorn might say "Well, let's put it another way - way, that is" ... I am getting a little scared.  "No one can give you better advice than yourself" (Cicero) and the advice I gave my self was to relax, take a deep breath and focus on all the good and wonderful things in my life including how fabulous I am going to feel and look when all is said and done.  Some people might think that "This is going to cause more confusion than a mouse at a Burlesque show." (FogHorn "All Fowled Up" 1955) but I am under the same frame of mind that my favourite southern rooster has "You gotta - I say, you gotta keep on your toes. Toes, that is."
Steph

5 Days - Easter Bunnies, Chocolate and Pizza Hut!

 5 Days is all I have left until my surgery.  13 Days and it is Good Friday, 15 Days and it is Easter Sunday.  I went grocery shopping this week and did some shopping at Walmart too.  Now I am not a huge chocolate fan but for some unknown reason all I could focus on was the chocolate everywhere.  Chocoate Easter bunnies, chocolate spiderman, chocolate sponge Bob, chocolate eggs, all the different Hersey Kiss flavoured chocolate eggs, whoppers, peanute butter cup eggs!!!  I think I was in hell so as the song says "If you're going through hell, keep on going." that is exactly what I did!  I am sure that was the fastest shopping trip through Walmart in my entire life.  Grocery shopping was ok....I felt a pain of "oh damn I can't eat that" as I purchased food to cook for my family.  I made it through the grocery store though with little wounding.  Now my friend Knitter sent me an email the other morning saying that her and all her coworkers were having Bacon and eggs brought in for breakfast.....nice huh, but she sent an email 30 seconds after that one apologizing for totally forgetting that I couldn't eat.  Try pretending your sawdust/chalk shake is bacon and eggs!  Works great....NOT!!!!  Then there is my darling husband telling me that he is going out for breakfast with my father on Tuesday and on Wednesday he is hitting the all you can eat buffet at Pizza Hut for lunch with his mom. All I can hear is the commerical "ooey gooey good pan pizza, at Pizza Hut and nothing but."  I just keep telling myself that this is a life change and that I am benefiting in the long run.  In 5 days they are rearranging my internal road work.  The orchestra, marching band and football team will not be practising that day.  Now a fellow GBS recipient emailed me to say that it is sort of wierd sipping the water and broth afterwards....feels real funny.  They did mention that there is the build up of gas problem.....from the surgery....they pump the cavity full of air in order to work around the organs with more success.  This is great but when the surgery is said and done the air they pumped you full of is trapped in there often causing a lot of pain and discomfort!  This is the reason they want you up and walking around shortly after surgery....you need to get things moving if you know what I mean.  The moral of this story is "Let er' rip" folks.  The more flatulent you are the better you will feel.  So for all my viewers that have read my previous blogs the the musical will continue, the tuba, the trombone and the bass drum have already made guest appearance apparently the sax, the piper and flute are next to join the bowel band.  Now I cooked supper tonight for the family and knitter.  While dishing up Grady's supper I totally slipped up and put the pototo soup in my mouth, half way through swallowing I freaked out! CRAP!!!  ok ok so be calm....that being such a small amount will be gone be tomorrow and I just need to make sure no more slip ups....considering that was my first I think I am doing ok.  I cooked all those other meals and didn't slip once.  It is really hard to cook and not taste stuff so it is been difficult.  I feel really bad but it was totally by accident I didn't even think about it....lol...it was done before I even thought.  Tomorrow is a new day and 4 more to go....I am sure it will be fine....just need to keep focused and regroup.  Starting to feel a bit of the jitters.  Will need to be relying on the support of friends and family for the next week or so.....one of the best things I have ever heard  was said by Ryunosuke Satoro  "Individually, we are one drop, together we are an ocean."  My ocean is huge, clear blue and reading to be sailed! So batten down the hatches, hoist the sail we are in for a bump ride!
Steph

6 Days - Ewoks, BBQ's and Birthday Wishes

The first thing I need to say is a big Happy Birthday Wish to a viewer that is a great encourager and at the top of my cheerleading team.  So Happy Birthday to Mr. "K".  Hope you had a fabulous day! I am sure the beautiful Miss "M" made it memorable.  Now let me see, ok...so I went into work for a few hours this morning.  The company I work for is good for rewarding there employees for working overtime hours.  Today was Subway subs, now I know I must be losing my mind or my taste buds are dead or maybe my body just isnt' hungry anymore but I gathered up my sub loaded the toppings and wrapped it back up and took it home for my kids.  It didn't bother me one bit!  I then went home to finish the cooking that I began last night.....so I have completed 7 casseroles that Geoff should be able to get at least 2 meals out of each.  That gives me a bit of a pass on cooking for a bit.  Once the casseroles were cooked and cooled I finished the cleaning.  My friend, knitter came over.  Since today is so beautiful she decided she would make homemade hamburgers for supper.  In fact they are a bacon hamburger with  bacon pieces right in the burger.....she likes the food network.  Anyways, I prepared my favourite Parmesan Ham pasta salad to go with dinner....I am doing good so far.  Knitter also brought caesar salad (another favourite of mine).  Paige headed off to work and Geoff came home just in time to start the BBQ.  Oh oh ....BBQ season has begun!  I walked out on the back deck and can smell bbq's from all the blocks around us.  Steaks, burgers, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, fried onions, garlic shrimp.....yep I can smell it all.  Bbq season just might prove to be a serious enemy this year.  Especially with no red meat for 6 to 8 months.  I am not a great fan of hotdog but the thought of a big ball park hotdog right now is making me salivate.  I am drinking my vanilla chalk shake right now and trying to ignore the the sensational smells from my back yard and the surrounding neighbourhood.  The tv is going and my son is watching Star Wars.   I feel a little old as I remember when these movies first opened many many years ago.  The Ewoks are on the screen and he says "OH they are so cute, just like little teddy bears."  Knitter and I laugh as we know the Ewoks were vicious little creatures.  It made me think of the saying "don't judge a book by it's cover".  So many people judge overweight people for being heavy.  They really don't know what or why they have become so large.  I had someone ask me just a short while ago "So why did you eat that much, you know to be this big."  My answer was simple....there are many ways to gain weight, eating is just one of them.  Carrie Fisher, one of the stars of the Star Wars series has just begun appearing on Jenny Craig advertisments.  Carrie is the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig.  Now looking at Carrie Fisher in the Star Wars movies and looking at Carrie Fisher now is a very different view.  Weight is such a hard thing.  It changes our shape, our image and our attitude.  I am saddened that there are so many people that still judge someone by the size of their wasteband.  Does it really make a difference that I am 5"9" and 170lbs or 5'9" and 350lbs.  Do you believe that the person inside the shell is so different?  If you are one of these people that judge by the size of the belly then I challenge you to get to know someone that is overweight and I mean really get to know them because you will find they are no different than the average size person other than they endure more cruelty, handle more ignorance and put up with more criticism than anyone else you know.  Maybe some of them are like Ewoks, cute and chubby but vicious.  Wouldn't you be vicious if you had to listen to the nasty remarks insensitive people make on a daily basis.  How much would you put up with if you all of a sudden gained a drastic amount of weight and people started criticising you?  I am going to fight an epic battle through the bbq season and come out victorius at the end.  Todays quote is by Wally Amos "It doesn't matter how many say it cannot be done or how many people have tried it before; it's important to realize that whatever you're doing, it's your first attempt at it."  oh yes and one more "May the force be with you" Star Wars.
Steph

7 Days - Taxi Service, Betty Crocker & Expectations

Got up at 4:45 am, got dressed and headed to work at 5:30 am.  Started work.  Now of course, since it is Friday I would have some of the worst packages ever!  Now when I say bad packages (without breaking any privacy laws) I am talking about packages that need translation, packages that are not organized, need to match invoices with EOB's, or need to be matched with previous work done which makes things harder and take much much longer.  So having said all that you can figure out how my work day went.  Good thing I have some entertaining people I work with or I don't think I would have made it through the day.  2 pm I am out of the building and in my car heading to pick up my son (Grady). I get to the pick up destination and I wait 1/2 hour for him.  He arrives and I pack him in the van and we are off, cross town and pick up Geoff (husband) and am going to do groceries. Thinking I was dropping Grady off with Paige (daughter) so I could go do the groceries in peace, but no no no I was wrong.  Turning on to my street I can see both Paige and Geoff standing on the front porch.....oh boy no peace!.  Paige needs to go to Walmart and the dollar store, yipee!  So now I rethink my navigational plan as gas is to damn much money to make unnecessary trips.  I head to the grocery store first, then Walmart, then Dollarama.  Now thinking I was being smart going to the grocerie store early on a Friday  boy was I wrong!  Are you keeping track cause I think that's twice already!  Get in the store get the groceries and get out without harming anyone.....but I am thinking about letting the kids beat each other to the finish.  Next stop is Walmart.  Oh yes, mom I need this, mom can we get this, hey mom we have to get this......no no no....but guess what my cart was full and not a damn thing for me plus more freaking food I can't eat!!!! Hey that's three wrongs now!  Next stop Dollarama, now I needed some things there so I left Grady in the van with Geoff and Paige and I headed in.  Well, I should have said that if I wasn't out in half hour send in the damn reinforcements but no no no the crowd seemed to increase in every aisle I turned down and mom I need this and mom can I get this continued.  I guess me saying sorry no not today gotta watch the money situation just doesn't mean a thing.  So once again I am wrong because more freaking money spent.  Now need to get home and get some serious cooking under way as I picked up some casserole tin foil pans so I could make up some casseroles and meals ahead of time as I don't think I am likely to want to cook for the next couple weeks.  Now did I mention that Geoff, the husband has been home for 2 weeks now, had carpel tunnel surgery on his hand last Thursday.  I totally get that his hand hurts and he doesn't want to do too much but coming home to wash his dishes from the day after being at work all day makes me less than happy.  While I was in Dollarama my mom called and asked why I had Grady....now Grady likes to visit with his Papa and Grandma on Friday nights so he does a sleepover and I usually get him in the morning around 9am.  For some reason I took Grady home tonight...don't know why (Helter Skelter come to mind, anyone?).  So before we went home had to drive Grady back across town to my parents place so Grady could follow his routine (really important as he has some special needs and changing things up for him can make for a bad weekend).  Finally make it home, get the groceries and things in the house.  I have some help from my friend (lets call her Knitter).  Now Knitter spends a bit of time at my house and that is ok by me.  She is a great help and is definitely not a person that takes advantage so I never mind her being there.  Knitter helped unload the van and put away groceries.  I purchased a bbq'd chicken meal at Walmart ($12.97, chicken, large potatoe wedge, dipping sauce, 4 buns and a small salad of your choice) because I just couldn't pull it together tonight to cook dinner.  Once the groceries were away and everyone had their supper I began to cook!  I made a meatball casserole (Thanks to lady "J" for the recipe today), a perogie casserole (perogies, polish sausage, apples & onions baked in maple syrup) thanks Miss "M" for that great idea, a Chicken Bacon Potatoe casserole and a perogie lasagna casserole (layers of cheese, mashed potatoes, onions and bacon).  Now I still have three more casseroles to make tonight but I thought I better write the blog first.  I left a list of things that needed to be done at home today and yes, some things were finished but others were not.  I guess the things that seem important to me aren't quite as important to others.  I am a little up tight tonight if you can't tell!  I seem to be thinking and do so much at once and everyone seems to need something from me, that I feel like I am going to explode.  Drive here, drive there, get this, get that, cook, clean ....did I mention cook for everyone when I can't eat the food.   Now I am not really hungry since the shakes are so filling, but I guess I am just a little frustrated or maybe upset that people expect so much.  I just want to relax and take it easy for the next few days....7 days that is it!!! Holy cow....doesn't seem that long ago that I was writing 38 Days.  Oh my house smells so good with the different foods cooking........eeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkk......this is a mind over matter thing and right now not a damn thing matters!!!  I just hope that when I get home from the hospital that expectations will be lower so I can rest for a bit.  This life is a crazy ride....so days I hold tight and squeal, other days I want to get off.  So I will leave you with a new quote “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending” … Maria Robinson.  My ending is good night friends I am finished for today.
Steph
P.s.  A special thanks to the very beautiful Diva "JS" for letting me use her shaker for my shakes.  Muah I love ya!

8 Days - Helter Skelter

Now for those of you that know me....you all know that I am the last person to be unorganized and all over the place!  So just remember that while you are reading this blog because there isn't really one theme today it is really all over the place.  For all the viewers that loved "The Monster In The Stall" the terrible saga continues.  The lovely ladies that sit near me can attest to my rumblings and grumblings today.....Miss "M" we will call her, could hear my bowel band playing a tune from across our pod.  My sprint time is getting better too.  The mad dash to the ladies room is getting faster but I am convinced that it is because I am losing 5 to 10 lbs every time I have my waster management meeting in there.  Union definitely was not happy today and the sh*t was flowing down hill.  One very dear sweet coworker was washing her hands when I came out of the stall today and she just stared at me with the most concerned looked.  I think my off tune orchestra scared her to death....or maybe it was the marching band with the terrible tuba player.  Either way she looked frightened and wasn't so sure what to say to me.  I don't embarrass easily but I am sure my face has had a permanent red hue for the last couple days.  It's a totally great thing that I learned to laugh at myself a long time ago (only to save myself from crying).  WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO single digits baby!!!! I am down to 8 days....and as of right now 29 shakes to go!  I had a conversation today in which I said that my taste buds must be dying because the sawdust shakes are starting to taste ok.  My food connoisseur days are done!  While I was having my lunch shake today which was a chicken caesar pita in my mind I was sitting next to a friend.  My friend was eating pizza for lunch and another person at the table mentioned not being able to eat pizza again.  They asked a few questions about when and what I would be able to eat once the surgery is over.   Immediately after surgery for two weeks is only broth, sugar free jello, diluted apple juice and water at very limited amounts (2tsps every 1/2 hr) then I move on to week three which brings some creamed soups and mushy oatmeal with a small amount of skim milk at one month I will be able to eat tiny amounts of pureed fish, chicken, vegetable or chew it until it is mushy in my mouth.  I will not be able to eat red meat for at least 6 to 8 months.  Eventually I will be able to eat pizza, probably never a whole piece again but a small 1/2 piece likely.  The truth is if I dwell on all the things I can eat like I am never suppose to eat popcorn or drink carbonated beverages again then I would be sad....it's all the way you look at it.  Yes, I will at some point get to enjoy pizza again just not as much but that's way better than never again.....you see my cup is half full not half empty.  I know there was many comments on last nights blog "The Whispering In The Walls" and I want to thank all my true friends that support me.  With all the comments that came to me via facebook, emails, txt , blog comment and in person I realize that there were some people that were upset.  Please don't be upset for me....I didn't write the blog to have people feel bad for me I wrote it to make people and mostly the ones that had the opinions know that no matter what they said I believe in me.  A coworker that I spoke with today was in tears for me (what a sweet lady) she was so concerned that I would be uncomfortable at work knowing people said things or that I was hurt by others opinions.  I am a very open person, take criticism well (I think) and am willing to listen to what anyone has to say, but if you have the courage to tell me your opinion I would hope you have the courage to listen to my opinion.  I realized last night that I had some male viewers and that they were definite supporters.  I am so excited that I have my own personal cheering team.  If you are reading my blogs and you have a thought or a question please feel free to leave a comment I will always try to get back to you if I am able to.  I also wanted to point out that I didn't make this decision at the spur of the moment.  There was months of research that happened between myself, my doctor and many other professionals.  Did you know that once I was weighed at the bariatric clinic and had my starting weight that if I gained over 1 lb the surgery would be canceled?  No pressure huh!  I spent months listening to nurses, dieticians, social workers talk about healthy eating, smart choices, diet programs, lifestyle changes.  The social worker needed to have details of my life which started at childhood, through my teen years, into my first marriage and right to my present marriage.  The in depth and very personal information that had to be shared was a reality check of sorts too.  Weeks and months of charting and journalising my meals and grocery lists.  What I cooked, how I cooked.  Crossing out of things on my food list. George Washington said "if I had 8 hours to chop down a tree I would spend 6 sharpening my axe."  There was no rash decision it has been very calculated the whole darn way and I am proud of what I have done so far and extremely excited about what I am still going to do!  As the time approaches quicker and quicker my thoughts become a little more scattered only because I have so many different thoughts and feelings coursing through my brain that I am not sure I can write them all down but I am definitely going to try.  Bare with me friends, as tomorrow brings me to 7 days to go and excitement,nerves and thoughts of the unknown might borrow my focus for a moment here and there.  I am prepare, I am ready, and I will succeed.

Steph

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