2 Days - Countdown, Scrubdown, Meltdown

39 Hours, 16 minutes and I am at the final destination of this countdown.  I cannot believe how fast the time has gone.  It has flown by.  It feels just like yesterday when I started this countdown to my surgery.  I am so thrilled about all the people that have viewed the blog and walked this road with me.  Your comments and emails have certainly made my journey interesting and filled with encouragement.  Now for all the faithful daily viewers don't dispare as the countdown nears zero days.  Zero is not the ending it is the beginning of the new chapter of my life.  I will start at day zero and count up now as up is towards the sky and the sky is the limit for what I can achieve.  I ask you all to join me in finishing this journey and starting my new journey.  We can walk and talk, laugh and cry as make my way towards my first goal of losing 100lbs.
Now for the scrubdown part of this blog....tonight will be my last chance to have a shower, bathe, get all cleaned up before I begin the last day before surgery. I am going to work tomorrow because it is better than sitting at home and worrying.  I won't have anytime when I am done work to go home and have personal time before I head to the hospital to have the PICC Line inserted.  This procedure takes 1 1/2 hours to 2 hours so by the time I am done and going home for the night I won't be able to shower or do any of major things I need to do.   I plan on having on of those long leisurely baths tonight with all the smelly girly stuff ...oh, and candles.  Wait, maybe not too many candles I am thinking I might need more light to shave my legs.  Investing in a new razor might not have been the best idea.....maybe renting a weed wacker would have been more appropriate.  I didn't realize that I was sporting the really really retro cavelady look.  I won't even mention the terrible mess that the "pits from hell" are in.  Does amazon and tar pits mean anything to anyone?  Good thing I bought a multipack of razors ....now I think I better buy a commercial size bottle of draino! Next would be making sure that my hair is washed and done (reference:The Hair Do That Did).  If my hair is not done then I won't be any good to anyone.I really need to make sure every inch (and there is a lot of those right now) of my body is clean and smelling good, you know body spray, body butter...powders.   I know it sounds really wierd but I always feel better no matter what the situation is when I have a shower and am cleaned up and ...well groomed (lol, the politest way to put that).
Meltdown: I think a lot of people are expecting me to have some sort of melt down.  Now I am not saying that I am not nervous because of course I am a little nervous.  I had a few moments of "oh my gosh" and "oh man" today but they didn't last long.  My hands did a little shake at one point or my body was doing Elvis impersonations without me again...not sure which.  I seem to have a peace.  A peace that is comforting both my heart and mind.  I know that there has been many prayers, positive energy and other sentiments sent my way.  Thank you all for contributing to my calmness.  Martin Luther King Jr said "Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek but a means by which we arrive at the goal."  With peace I am arriving at my goal! My life long goal, my new start.  "It isn't enough to talk about peace, one must believe in it and it isn't enough to believe in it one must work for it."  Eleanor Roosevelt. I have worked for it and I feel I have achieved a peacefulness that will keep me through the picc line procedure, the surgery and the recovery.  I have just found out that my husband will be with me just before I go into surgery but he will have to leave the hospital to see the surgeon who operated on his hand Friday morning....they insist he need to be seen only at Cambridge Hospital in the fracture clinic....won't make any exceptions.  Gotta love people that have understanding and compassion.  Geoff may or may not make it back in time to be with me in recovery and that doesn't make me nervous it just makes me angry.  I cannot change the situation at all, Geoff had our family physician even try calling the surgeon and the hospital but there was no way to work around this situation.  I am disappointed but I am strong and I will do what I have to do to achieve this, the next step on my way to success.  I will be fine, me and my faith alone will make it through each difficult spot.  "Don't fill your life with worry- fix what you can and let the rest take care of itself" (anonymous). A interesting quote I heard was "To look back all the time is boring.  Excitement lies in tomorrow" (Natalia Makrova).  Tomorrow is exciting and the next day will be even more exciting....each new day will bring more excitement.  There is a famous quote by Mother Teresa that says "a smile is the beginning of peace" so I will grin from ear to ear....something like the cheshire cat.
Steph

3 Days - Time, Love & Tenderness

Children are grand and they say the greatest things!  A coworker told me a story about her son (I think he is 7) and what happened at Sunday School this past weekend.  The parents and the children were gathered together while a police officier spoke to them.  The officier asked the children if they knew one of the things that he carried all the time?  After a few answers and pulled out his handcuffs and showed the crowd.  Well, my coworkers son was quick to announce to the church attendees that those looked just like the ones his mom had beside her bed!  My coworker now glowing red tried to explain that they were left from a costume they had used a few weeks ago for a murder mystery evening her and her husband had hosted but I am not sure anyone heard her through the laughter.   Awwww the love you have for your children sure comes in handy right at those special moments.  My son is 12,  he does not live at home with me full time..Grady has some special needs and requires more help throughout the week.  Grady doesn come home every Friday afternoon and goes back to his residents on Sunday nights.  My son is extremely smart and has a wonderful vocabulary.  I won't explain his needs but I will say that his has a very tender heart.  We talk almost every other night throughout the week and you just never know what discussion he might decide he wants to have.  Last he called to talk to me.....Mom, is tomorrow your surgery?  No Grady on Friday that is in 4 more sleeps (this was Monday evening).  Oh ok....I asked him if there was something wrong.  He kinda avoided the question but I knew if I gave him some TIME he would let me know.  We talked about the walk he was going on, his hockey cards, saving his allowance and putting money in the bank.  Then he said Mom, can I come to the hospital with you?  I said "no honey, I have to go alone with Dad"....there was a long pause "but I need to see you".  I asked him why and his response was "You are my mom and you need to know I love you before you have an operation and I can't hug you over the phone".  I thought for a moment and told him that I knew he loved me and that I know he is hugging me in his heart.  There was a little panic and he quickly asked about seeing my afterward.  The lady that is the supervisor of his residents had previously told me that if I was feeling well on the Saturday they would bring him to see me.  I explained to Grady what had been said and if that would be ok.  He felt this was alright but he needed me to explain the operation again and why I was having it.  The a simple explanation I told him everything in a nut shell.  This created another long pause that I actually asked if he was still there.  "Mom, I understand that you want you want your leg fixed and that you have to lose weight to do that but don't you know that the outside doesn't matter what you look like it's the inside.  Besides you are pretty anyways"  My unique boy, has more understanding than most adults.....if we could all think like him this world would be a better place.  A man in Walmart a few months ago called him a "Retard" because he was counting out his money to slow to pay for his purchase.  I just wonder who the for lack of better wording dim witted person was.  The tenderness that children show is more special than anything we will ever experience in our lives.  Hug your children tonight and tell them that you love them unconditionally.  My time line is shortening as we speak.....I don't feel as nervous today as I did yesterday.  Maybe the words of love from my son have calmed me, or all the prayers that people have said for me maybe it is the calm before the storn or just me realizing that this chapter of my life is ending and a new one is beginning. "Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 is a biblical verse about  anxiety and having a peace that passes all understanding.  I am not a religious nut but I do believe that God is with me and that He will protect and keep me through this difficult transition in my life.  It is said that Time, Love and Tenderness heal all things including a broken heart.  My heart is not broken but there was times in my life it was  and as the song says "Oh, nothing is a sad as it seems, you know 'Cause someday you'll laugh at the heartache Someday, you'll laugh at the pain Somehow you'll get through the heartache Somehow you can get through the rain."  My someday is soon, I will look back at all the struggles and laugh.  The years of embarrassment, shame and humiliation will be washed away with the rain and I will be on a new road, a new way of life.   The thought I will leave you with is "Courage is the power to let go of the familiar" Raymond Lindquist and the challenge I leave you with is get ready to let go of the familiar ..... take the motto of "out with the old and in with the new!"
Steph

4 Days - FogHorn LegHorn and The Scale!

FogHorn J Leghorn was born in 1946 to Looney Tunes & Merrie Melodies.  Robert Mckimson created this super large rooster with the "good ole boy" attitude and south Viriginian Accent.  Now I know you want to know why I am talking about cartoons, right!  Geoff, my wonderfully funny husband, uses humour to handle most things including stress, anxiety and me!  When I was a kid I always loved FogHorn LegHorn, but now I enjoy him just because of his sarcasm and the fact that he was the instigator of many pranks that always back fired on him.  The most memorable thing about FogHorn is the way he talked.....Well, now I say son, I say....was probably the way most of his comments started.  Having one of those "pillow talk" conversations with Geoff last night and venting a little about people, comments and expressing some of my anxieties...he broke into a full southern FogHorn LegHorn accent and said Well, now I say, I say I dont' understand what it is your pretty little head is worried about, Miss.  I will, I wll be right there and I won't be looking at any other chicks.  I say, I say you are the only chick for me!  Well, I started to laugh and then the snorting came, which in turn brings more laughter until my ribs hurt so damn much that I thought I was gonna get sick.  The tears rolled down my face as I laughed hysterically at my husband.  He began to laugh and we layed there roaring in laughter for at least 15 minutes.  Mr. FogHorn J Leghorn made my night and is still making me smile today.  I think Geoff is watching cartoons while I am at work and he is off recovering from his surgery.  The company I work for is running a biggest loser contest and we have scales set up at work in a private area.  Today I strolled over to the scale area and kicked off my shoes and jumped on and then off....did I really want to know?  What if I wasn't doing well?  Oh the panic started to engulf me and then I could hear FogHorn LegHorn in my head " Well, now I say, I say I dont' understand what it is your pretty little head is worried about, Miss."  I laughed out loud to myself and stepped on the scale again this time I opened my eyes and read the big digital numbers.  I am happy to say that I am down 16.8 lbs!!!  I did a little happy dance and thanked God and secretly thanked my personal FogHorn LegHorn for the strength to do this.  I have 13 shakes left to drink and am hoping that I make it to the 20 lb mark by Friday.  My excitement is still building but my nerves are getting a little frazzled too or as Foghorn might say "Well, let's put it another way - way, that is" ... I am getting a little scared.  "No one can give you better advice than yourself" (Cicero) and the advice I gave my self was to relax, take a deep breath and focus on all the good and wonderful things in my life including how fabulous I am going to feel and look when all is said and done.  Some people might think that "This is going to cause more confusion than a mouse at a Burlesque show." (FogHorn "All Fowled Up" 1955) but I am under the same frame of mind that my favourite southern rooster has "You gotta - I say, you gotta keep on your toes. Toes, that is."
Steph

5 Days - Easter Bunnies, Chocolate and Pizza Hut!

 5 Days is all I have left until my surgery.  13 Days and it is Good Friday, 15 Days and it is Easter Sunday.  I went grocery shopping this week and did some shopping at Walmart too.  Now I am not a huge chocolate fan but for some unknown reason all I could focus on was the chocolate everywhere.  Chocoate Easter bunnies, chocolate spiderman, chocolate sponge Bob, chocolate eggs, all the different Hersey Kiss flavoured chocolate eggs, whoppers, peanute butter cup eggs!!!  I think I was in hell so as the song says "If you're going through hell, keep on going." that is exactly what I did!  I am sure that was the fastest shopping trip through Walmart in my entire life.  Grocery shopping was ok....I felt a pain of "oh damn I can't eat that" as I purchased food to cook for my family.  I made it through the grocery store though with little wounding.  Now my friend Knitter sent me an email the other morning saying that her and all her coworkers were having Bacon and eggs brought in for breakfast.....nice huh, but she sent an email 30 seconds after that one apologizing for totally forgetting that I couldn't eat.  Try pretending your sawdust/chalk shake is bacon and eggs!  Works great....NOT!!!!  Then there is my darling husband telling me that he is going out for breakfast with my father on Tuesday and on Wednesday he is hitting the all you can eat buffet at Pizza Hut for lunch with his mom. All I can hear is the commerical "ooey gooey good pan pizza, at Pizza Hut and nothing but."  I just keep telling myself that this is a life change and that I am benefiting in the long run.  In 5 days they are rearranging my internal road work.  The orchestra, marching band and football team will not be practising that day.  Now a fellow GBS recipient emailed me to say that it is sort of wierd sipping the water and broth afterwards....feels real funny.  They did mention that there is the build up of gas problem.....from the surgery....they pump the cavity full of air in order to work around the organs with more success.  This is great but when the surgery is said and done the air they pumped you full of is trapped in there often causing a lot of pain and discomfort!  This is the reason they want you up and walking around shortly after surgery....you need to get things moving if you know what I mean.  The moral of this story is "Let er' rip" folks.  The more flatulent you are the better you will feel.  So for all my viewers that have read my previous blogs the the musical will continue, the tuba, the trombone and the bass drum have already made guest appearance apparently the sax, the piper and flute are next to join the bowel band.  Now I cooked supper tonight for the family and knitter.  While dishing up Grady's supper I totally slipped up and put the pototo soup in my mouth, half way through swallowing I freaked out! CRAP!!!  ok ok so be calm....that being such a small amount will be gone be tomorrow and I just need to make sure no more slip ups....considering that was my first I think I am doing ok.  I cooked all those other meals and didn't slip once.  It is really hard to cook and not taste stuff so it is been difficult.  I feel really bad but it was totally by accident I didn't even think about it....lol...it was done before I even thought.  Tomorrow is a new day and 4 more to go....I am sure it will be fine....just need to keep focused and regroup.  Starting to feel a bit of the jitters.  Will need to be relying on the support of friends and family for the next week or so.....one of the best things I have ever heard  was said by Ryunosuke Satoro  "Individually, we are one drop, together we are an ocean."  My ocean is huge, clear blue and reading to be sailed! So batten down the hatches, hoist the sail we are in for a bump ride!
Steph

6 Days - Ewoks, BBQ's and Birthday Wishes

The first thing I need to say is a big Happy Birthday Wish to a viewer that is a great encourager and at the top of my cheerleading team.  So Happy Birthday to Mr. "K".  Hope you had a fabulous day! I am sure the beautiful Miss "M" made it memorable.  Now let me see, ok...so I went into work for a few hours this morning.  The company I work for is good for rewarding there employees for working overtime hours.  Today was Subway subs, now I know I must be losing my mind or my taste buds are dead or maybe my body just isnt' hungry anymore but I gathered up my sub loaded the toppings and wrapped it back up and took it home for my kids.  It didn't bother me one bit!  I then went home to finish the cooking that I began last night.....so I have completed 7 casseroles that Geoff should be able to get at least 2 meals out of each.  That gives me a bit of a pass on cooking for a bit.  Once the casseroles were cooked and cooled I finished the cleaning.  My friend, knitter came over.  Since today is so beautiful she decided she would make homemade hamburgers for supper.  In fact they are a bacon hamburger with  bacon pieces right in the burger.....she likes the food network.  Anyways, I prepared my favourite Parmesan Ham pasta salad to go with dinner....I am doing good so far.  Knitter also brought caesar salad (another favourite of mine).  Paige headed off to work and Geoff came home just in time to start the BBQ.  Oh oh ....BBQ season has begun!  I walked out on the back deck and can smell bbq's from all the blocks around us.  Steaks, burgers, baked potatoes, corn on the cob, fried onions, garlic shrimp.....yep I can smell it all.  Bbq season just might prove to be a serious enemy this year.  Especially with no red meat for 6 to 8 months.  I am not a great fan of hotdog but the thought of a big ball park hotdog right now is making me salivate.  I am drinking my vanilla chalk shake right now and trying to ignore the the sensational smells from my back yard and the surrounding neighbourhood.  The tv is going and my son is watching Star Wars.   I feel a little old as I remember when these movies first opened many many years ago.  The Ewoks are on the screen and he says "OH they are so cute, just like little teddy bears."  Knitter and I laugh as we know the Ewoks were vicious little creatures.  It made me think of the saying "don't judge a book by it's cover".  So many people judge overweight people for being heavy.  They really don't know what or why they have become so large.  I had someone ask me just a short while ago "So why did you eat that much, you know to be this big."  My answer was simple....there are many ways to gain weight, eating is just one of them.  Carrie Fisher, one of the stars of the Star Wars series has just begun appearing on Jenny Craig advertisments.  Carrie is the new spokesperson for Jenny Craig.  Now looking at Carrie Fisher in the Star Wars movies and looking at Carrie Fisher now is a very different view.  Weight is such a hard thing.  It changes our shape, our image and our attitude.  I am saddened that there are so many people that still judge someone by the size of their wasteband.  Does it really make a difference that I am 5"9" and 170lbs or 5'9" and 350lbs.  Do you believe that the person inside the shell is so different?  If you are one of these people that judge by the size of the belly then I challenge you to get to know someone that is overweight and I mean really get to know them because you will find they are no different than the average size person other than they endure more cruelty, handle more ignorance and put up with more criticism than anyone else you know.  Maybe some of them are like Ewoks, cute and chubby but vicious.  Wouldn't you be vicious if you had to listen to the nasty remarks insensitive people make on a daily basis.  How much would you put up with if you all of a sudden gained a drastic amount of weight and people started criticising you?  I am going to fight an epic battle through the bbq season and come out victorius at the end.  Todays quote is by Wally Amos "It doesn't matter how many say it cannot be done or how many people have tried it before; it's important to realize that whatever you're doing, it's your first attempt at it."  oh yes and one more "May the force be with you" Star Wars.
Steph

7 Days - Taxi Service, Betty Crocker & Expectations

Got up at 4:45 am, got dressed and headed to work at 5:30 am.  Started work.  Now of course, since it is Friday I would have some of the worst packages ever!  Now when I say bad packages (without breaking any privacy laws) I am talking about packages that need translation, packages that are not organized, need to match invoices with EOB's, or need to be matched with previous work done which makes things harder and take much much longer.  So having said all that you can figure out how my work day went.  Good thing I have some entertaining people I work with or I don't think I would have made it through the day.  2 pm I am out of the building and in my car heading to pick up my son (Grady). I get to the pick up destination and I wait 1/2 hour for him.  He arrives and I pack him in the van and we are off, cross town and pick up Geoff (husband) and am going to do groceries. Thinking I was dropping Grady off with Paige (daughter) so I could go do the groceries in peace, but no no no I was wrong.  Turning on to my street I can see both Paige and Geoff standing on the front porch.....oh boy no peace!.  Paige needs to go to Walmart and the dollar store, yipee!  So now I rethink my navigational plan as gas is to damn much money to make unnecessary trips.  I head to the grocery store first, then Walmart, then Dollarama.  Now thinking I was being smart going to the grocerie store early on a Friday  boy was I wrong!  Are you keeping track cause I think that's twice already!  Get in the store get the groceries and get out without harming anyone.....but I am thinking about letting the kids beat each other to the finish.  Next stop is Walmart.  Oh yes, mom I need this, mom can we get this, hey mom we have to get this......no no no....but guess what my cart was full and not a damn thing for me plus more freaking food I can't eat!!!! Hey that's three wrongs now!  Next stop Dollarama, now I needed some things there so I left Grady in the van with Geoff and Paige and I headed in.  Well, I should have said that if I wasn't out in half hour send in the damn reinforcements but no no no the crowd seemed to increase in every aisle I turned down and mom I need this and mom can I get this continued.  I guess me saying sorry no not today gotta watch the money situation just doesn't mean a thing.  So once again I am wrong because more freaking money spent.  Now need to get home and get some serious cooking under way as I picked up some casserole tin foil pans so I could make up some casseroles and meals ahead of time as I don't think I am likely to want to cook for the next couple weeks.  Now did I mention that Geoff, the husband has been home for 2 weeks now, had carpel tunnel surgery on his hand last Thursday.  I totally get that his hand hurts and he doesn't want to do too much but coming home to wash his dishes from the day after being at work all day makes me less than happy.  While I was in Dollarama my mom called and asked why I had Grady....now Grady likes to visit with his Papa and Grandma on Friday nights so he does a sleepover and I usually get him in the morning around 9am.  For some reason I took Grady home tonight...don't know why (Helter Skelter come to mind, anyone?).  So before we went home had to drive Grady back across town to my parents place so Grady could follow his routine (really important as he has some special needs and changing things up for him can make for a bad weekend).  Finally make it home, get the groceries and things in the house.  I have some help from my friend (lets call her Knitter).  Now Knitter spends a bit of time at my house and that is ok by me.  She is a great help and is definitely not a person that takes advantage so I never mind her being there.  Knitter helped unload the van and put away groceries.  I purchased a bbq'd chicken meal at Walmart ($12.97, chicken, large potatoe wedge, dipping sauce, 4 buns and a small salad of your choice) because I just couldn't pull it together tonight to cook dinner.  Once the groceries were away and everyone had their supper I began to cook!  I made a meatball casserole (Thanks to lady "J" for the recipe today), a perogie casserole (perogies, polish sausage, apples & onions baked in maple syrup) thanks Miss "M" for that great idea, a Chicken Bacon Potatoe casserole and a perogie lasagna casserole (layers of cheese, mashed potatoes, onions and bacon).  Now I still have three more casseroles to make tonight but I thought I better write the blog first.  I left a list of things that needed to be done at home today and yes, some things were finished but others were not.  I guess the things that seem important to me aren't quite as important to others.  I am a little up tight tonight if you can't tell!  I seem to be thinking and do so much at once and everyone seems to need something from me, that I feel like I am going to explode.  Drive here, drive there, get this, get that, cook, clean ....did I mention cook for everyone when I can't eat the food.   Now I am not really hungry since the shakes are so filling, but I guess I am just a little frustrated or maybe upset that people expect so much.  I just want to relax and take it easy for the next few days....7 days that is it!!! Holy cow....doesn't seem that long ago that I was writing 38 Days.  Oh my house smells so good with the different foods cooking........eeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkk......this is a mind over matter thing and right now not a damn thing matters!!!  I just hope that when I get home from the hospital that expectations will be lower so I can rest for a bit.  This life is a crazy ride....so days I hold tight and squeal, other days I want to get off.  So I will leave you with a new quote “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending” … Maria Robinson.  My ending is good night friends I am finished for today.
Steph
P.s.  A special thanks to the very beautiful Diva "JS" for letting me use her shaker for my shakes.  Muah I love ya!

8 Days - Helter Skelter

Now for those of you that know me....you all know that I am the last person to be unorganized and all over the place!  So just remember that while you are reading this blog because there isn't really one theme today it is really all over the place.  For all the viewers that loved "The Monster In The Stall" the terrible saga continues.  The lovely ladies that sit near me can attest to my rumblings and grumblings today.....Miss "M" we will call her, could hear my bowel band playing a tune from across our pod.  My sprint time is getting better too.  The mad dash to the ladies room is getting faster but I am convinced that it is because I am losing 5 to 10 lbs every time I have my waster management meeting in there.  Union definitely was not happy today and the sh*t was flowing down hill.  One very dear sweet coworker was washing her hands when I came out of the stall today and she just stared at me with the most concerned looked.  I think my off tune orchestra scared her to death....or maybe it was the marching band with the terrible tuba player.  Either way she looked frightened and wasn't so sure what to say to me.  I don't embarrass easily but I am sure my face has had a permanent red hue for the last couple days.  It's a totally great thing that I learned to laugh at myself a long time ago (only to save myself from crying).  WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO single digits baby!!!! I am down to 8 days....and as of right now 29 shakes to go!  I had a conversation today in which I said that my taste buds must be dying because the sawdust shakes are starting to taste ok.  My food connoisseur days are done!  While I was having my lunch shake today which was a chicken caesar pita in my mind I was sitting next to a friend.  My friend was eating pizza for lunch and another person at the table mentioned not being able to eat pizza again.  They asked a few questions about when and what I would be able to eat once the surgery is over.   Immediately after surgery for two weeks is only broth, sugar free jello, diluted apple juice and water at very limited amounts (2tsps every 1/2 hr) then I move on to week three which brings some creamed soups and mushy oatmeal with a small amount of skim milk at one month I will be able to eat tiny amounts of pureed fish, chicken, vegetable or chew it until it is mushy in my mouth.  I will not be able to eat red meat for at least 6 to 8 months.  Eventually I will be able to eat pizza, probably never a whole piece again but a small 1/2 piece likely.  The truth is if I dwell on all the things I can eat like I am never suppose to eat popcorn or drink carbonated beverages again then I would be sad....it's all the way you look at it.  Yes, I will at some point get to enjoy pizza again just not as much but that's way better than never again.....you see my cup is half full not half empty.  I know there was many comments on last nights blog "The Whispering In The Walls" and I want to thank all my true friends that support me.  With all the comments that came to me via facebook, emails, txt , blog comment and in person I realize that there were some people that were upset.  Please don't be upset for me....I didn't write the blog to have people feel bad for me I wrote it to make people and mostly the ones that had the opinions know that no matter what they said I believe in me.  A coworker that I spoke with today was in tears for me (what a sweet lady) she was so concerned that I would be uncomfortable at work knowing people said things or that I was hurt by others opinions.  I am a very open person, take criticism well (I think) and am willing to listen to what anyone has to say, but if you have the courage to tell me your opinion I would hope you have the courage to listen to my opinion.  I realized last night that I had some male viewers and that they were definite supporters.  I am so excited that I have my own personal cheering team.  If you are reading my blogs and you have a thought or a question please feel free to leave a comment I will always try to get back to you if I am able to.  I also wanted to point out that I didn't make this decision at the spur of the moment.  There was months of research that happened between myself, my doctor and many other professionals.  Did you know that once I was weighed at the bariatric clinic and had my starting weight that if I gained over 1 lb the surgery would be canceled?  No pressure huh!  I spent months listening to nurses, dieticians, social workers talk about healthy eating, smart choices, diet programs, lifestyle changes.  The social worker needed to have details of my life which started at childhood, through my teen years, into my first marriage and right to my present marriage.  The in depth and very personal information that had to be shared was a reality check of sorts too.  Weeks and months of charting and journalising my meals and grocery lists.  What I cooked, how I cooked.  Crossing out of things on my food list. George Washington said "if I had 8 hours to chop down a tree I would spend 6 sharpening my axe."  There was no rash decision it has been very calculated the whole darn way and I am proud of what I have done so far and extremely excited about what I am still going to do!  As the time approaches quicker and quicker my thoughts become a little more scattered only because I have so many different thoughts and feelings coursing through my brain that I am not sure I can write them all down but I am definitely going to try.  Bare with me friends, as tomorrow brings me to 7 days to go and excitement,nerves and thoughts of the unknown might borrow my focus for a moment here and there.  I am prepare, I am ready, and I will succeed.

Steph

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