10 Days - The Monster In The Stall!

Let me start by sharing something about me that most people don't know.  I hate public washrooms.  If I could hold it all day I would and in fact I used to.  When I was in high school I went to a private Christian school and it was about 5 miles from my house so we car pooled.  My brother and I were picked up in the morning around 7:30am and we made it home most days around 4 - 4:15pm.  I would go to the washroom before I left for school and I would hit the side door of the house running for the washroom when we got home.  This created some problems later on with UTI's and kidney infections.
Now you must be wondering why the heck I am talking about washrooms.  Well, first I will extend my full apologies to the women I work with..... I am truly very very sorry.  Not only do Optifast shakes taste like pooh!  They make you run like crazy if you know what I mean.  I totally get why you lose weight with them now they empty out your entire system.  Now I understand that bodily functions are something that everyone has but I absolutely am horrified about being in a public washroom to do so.  Today I heard and felt a little growl and rumble in my tummy....well, it is a good thing my desk isn't too far from the ladies facilities because, something like lightening and thunder the one always follows the other.  Making my mad dash for the washroom I of course, got stopped by coworkers that wanted to know how I was doing and when the surgery was....I am totally surprised that I wasn't doing the "potty dance".  I finally make it into the washroom and make a bee line for the very far end stall.  I shut the door and got myself situated in a rather quick fashion.  Then the most embarrassing moment!  There was an explosion....you know the terrible sounds....long, low gurgling....Now I am just horrified but can do nothing to make it stop.  The noises and embarrassment continued for what seemed to be ages....I think like 4 or 5 minutes.  I could hear others saying "oh my" and "what the heck".  I felt like yelling out and saying I am drinking these terrible shakes and it's not my fault but that would be my second issue with public washrooms.  People talking while they are doing their thing.  Do you know how difficult it is to relieve yourself when some woman is having a conversation beside you with someone else or trying to talk to you.  So the only thing I could do is sit there ....oh, and I pulled my feet up so know one could see who it was!  Once the washroom had cleared out (and it did remarkably quickly might I add) I poked my head out of the stall looked around ran to the sinks washed my hands and grabbled a towel at record speeds.  I looked both ways before exiting the washroom so I knew no one was looking.  I was so embarrassed and upset I sat back at my desk and wanted to cry.  Thanking God that the terrible experience was over I started back to work but much to my chagrin within the hour the rumbling started again!!! OH NO FRIGGING WAY was all I could think.  Did a quick check to make sure my desk mates were busy working and did yet another marathon run to the ladies room.  Bolting for the very last stall again I was making sounds that no one every should make especially from the low regions of your anatomy.   I could feel the heat of embarrassment rising in my cheeks again.  I quickly held my feet up making sure no one could connect me that the terrible noises.  Have you ever heard a balloon deflate or a car back fire?  It's a bad bad mental picture huh!  I was right back to my absolute desperate feeling of not exiting the building without humiliation.  Again I heard a few comments and a couple little snickers.  Once again I was like a expert sleuth making it out of the washroom and back to my desk.  Thinking that this embarrassment had ended finally I settled into my work load.  Boy was I wrong.....I made several emergency runs to the washroom today.  I was beginning to feel like a tap that turned on and off.  Now I am sure that there will be people talking in the office for the rest of the week about the terrible sounds that were coming out of the last stall, but I will won't tell if you don't.....we will just say there was a monster in the stall!
Steph