19 Days - Patience is a virtue!

When you were kids do you remember the excitement on Christmas Eve, or Easter Sunday?  Have you ever wanted something to happen so bad you thought it was going to drive you crazy?  How about awaiting a long planned trip?  I know that my husband and I had waited almost 10 years for a vacation and when it was just days before I couldn't wait....I thought I was going to go crazy from the anticipation.  Last night I did not sleep well.  My mind and thoughts we all over the place.  Budha said "you are what you think" but if that is true I am in really big trouble.  My thoughts seem to skip from one random thing to the next but it always came back to the same thought....for some reason my thought was that my surgery was very far away and that I was going to be waiting a long time, not the short 19 days that are left.  I dreamt of the surgery, kind of an out of body kind of dream....looking down at the body that is laying on the table with the doctors and nurses working on it.  Was I ok down there? I know my heart was pounding because it was like I could hear it in my head, in my thoughts...bang, bang, bang.  Then I was dreaming of being on a beach, running and feeling good, in my new body.  Next I thought about being really huge like some of the people that have been on TV.  You know the ones that need a crane to help them out of their homes, special beds, help just moving.  I was like that in my dream and I kept thinking but I had surgery why am I like this and again my heart pounded .....bang, bang, bang.  I know that the time is getting short and I still don't think I am afraid, but somehow my hidden anxieties got the best of me and my sleep last night.  I know I am excited and the anticipation makes me feel almost like I just can't wait any longer.  I realize that everything takes time but I just want it so bad that I can't seem to wait.  Patience an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay or a quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence is something that I thought I had a pretty good handle on but apparently I don't have as good a handle on it as I thought.  Mohandas Ghandi said " If patience is worth anything, it must endure to the end of time. And a living faith will last in the midst of the blackest storm".  So maybe this is my blackest storm.  My faith will last in the midst of this storm and will carry me through...my patience will be worth much as it will endure to the end of time.  Now for me that time could mean 19 days, it could mean the recovery time after the surgery it could mean for the rest of my existence.  I am not sure why I didn't sleep well last night or why my dreams had the consistency of a martini shaker but what I know is this surgery, gastric bypass is exciting.  It is my opportunity to make a new start....be a health happy new me.  So if I am over excited and it keeps me thinking a little too much on occasion then so be it.  I consider this opportunity some what of a miracle....so being patient and waiting for miracles is what everyone needs to do.  Even though I am physically tired today I am still willing to be patient as patience is a virtue and its one I am willing to learn.
Steph