31 Days - Seasons Change .....But Do I?

Today's blog is brought to you by the letter "C"....change.  Now for those of you reading that know me personally you know I am who I am, but recently I have had a few friends tell me the are worried that this surgery is going to change me.  The word change as defined by www.dictionary.reference.com is a transformation or modification; alteration.   Now my immediate response was to to say "No" this won't change me, but after having a conversation with my brother ( enter player - young pastor and father of 3 beautiful children) he really got me thinking.  Will this surgery change me?  My answer is now "yes" but give me a moment to explain.  Yes, it will change me physically......yes, I will lose any where from 80 to 180 lbs. Is that a drastic physical change....yes and will it affect me emotionally...yes, but I do not believe negatively.  I think people are afraid that maybe I will become stuck up or snobby, or maybe obsessive about my weight loss.  I think those are all possiblilities for many people, but I really don't think I will be like that.  One, this surgery isn't being done for vanity purposes....the weight loss is really to help with my health and achieve my ankle replacement ( See 37 Days - A New Life Journey Begins ).  Two, I just don't really have an obsessive personality and Three, I am not stuck up or snobby, some people misunderstand my confidence for this but that's because they have never gotten to know me.  For the people that know me.....yes, I am a pretty straight shooter.  I tell it like it is, sometimes maybe a little harsher than I should and I apologize, but I have never been a person to beat around the bush.  I personally like to have everything straight and upfront to deal with so that is how I handle things....sometimes I forget others handle things differently.  My brother seemed to thing that maybe some of my confidence hides my insecurities.  Naturally I want to say "No" but if I take a moment or two to reflect on this then "yes" I am sure it does.  Insecurities and fears are part of everyone's life....it's all about the way you handle them.  I guess some of my biggest fears are about my weight and appearance so I have maintained a cover or confidence to hide them.  Now in saying all that there is definite things I believe....I believe that no matter what size you are, big or small, the way you present yourself is the key.  Large women don't have to be sterotyped like we often are " track pants, sloppy t-shirts and a bag of potatoe chips sitting on the couch." I have a large wardrobe of beautiful clothes and not many people can say they have ever seen me without my hair or make-up done.  Now I am not saying you have to paint yourself like a barn door to be attractive, so please don't misunderstand that statement....I am just saying that presentation is important.  I have some larger friends that are stunningly beautiful....both on the inside and out....so size should not matter.  My confidence may mask some fears or insecurites but will my confidence be shaken, "no" will I gain confidence ....quite possibly.  Will it go to my head "No".  As my body shrinks I am promising my head will not grow....lol.  The difference between confidence and cockiness is the person in between.  I am viewing this surgery as a challenge of sorts....will I change ...yes but positively.  Will I gain more confidence....how about different confidence.  Will I become an unapproachable skinny snob....definitely now.....body might be smaller but I still will have a big girl brain.  Do I want this to change....yes, in the way my brain processes food and eating....no, in the way I handle situations, friends and relationships.  So for those of you that love me no worries I will be me and for those of you who don't care so much for me....sorry.....Stephanie is staying in personality....just not body.  My cousin sends me little motivation and enspiring quotes daily and yesterdays quote just seems to fit.  "Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory." George S Patton.  So my finally words for today are "I ACCEPT"!