35 Days - It's My Time

When I woke up this morning I was not sure what I was going to write today, but I had a quick facebook chat with my cousin and something she said stuck....It's Your Time.  Have you ever thought about a situation past, present or future in which you wonder how will I do it, can I do this, or how in the world did I do that? The realization of the simple fact that It's My Time....is where I will begin to base my strength and courage.  At 36 years old I have been through some extreme situations in my life some that have brought me so close to death that it would make the hair on your neck stand up, but this upcoming surgery is different.  The risks are definitely there.  The surgery itself is roughly 3 hours long and I am overweight which causes a risk in itself, the surgeon cuts out a small piece of my exsisting stomach(about the size of your thumb) and closes my old stomach which must remain due to the digestive juices that enter the bowel.  He then re-attaches the espophagus to my new stomach leaving a dime sized open from my espophagus into my new stomach. The surgeon then attaches a part of the small intestine to the bottom of my new stomach.  Once this is complete the surgeon puts dye through this new system to make sure there is no leaks.  The risk of leaks is a concern as it can cause severe infection and death if not taken care of immediately....this risk is generally within the first 48 hours after surgery.  It will be imperitive that I follow the directions or "rules" from the bariatric clinic to be successful in weight loss but to also remain healthy as straying from anything on the long list of directions can end up in the hospital with severe pain and risk to existance.  Sounds pretty scary, huh?  For reasons that I really have thought about now, I am not afraid.  I am not a crazy religious person but I do believe in God and God has brought me this far and I believe He will bring me through this surgery.  Besides my faith in God there are some people in my life that exude strength.....one is my dad.  I could blog for days about him as he is the strongest man I know.  My dad will be 80 in 2012, he is a retired police officier, a husband and grandfather.  Two years ago in March I watched him get out of my stopped vehicle to help a man that was being attacked by another man from behind.....we were passing what we thought was a fender bender when we witnessed this crazy scene.  The attacker then got in the passenger side of the second vehicle and they backed up and drove at my dad.  They hit him.....all I can remember is his body flipping in the air multiple times ( the hood on his winter coat just kept flapping) and when he hit the ground I thought he was dead, but the car then ran over him dragging him 15 ft down the road.  His feet trailing out the back of the car was all I could see as I ran screaming after this vehicle.  The vehicle jumped the curb to drive down the front lawn of several houses to make an escape as the roads were now blocked with traffic from this insane scene. My dads body then flew across the road and rolled under a parked car.  I crawled under to pull him out and he got up bleeding and said " we can't get an ambulance in here for that guy, check him and I will direct trafffic".  Shock maybe, strength....for sure.  At 77 years old he directed traffic and made sure everyone else was ok before he gave in an finally allowed the paramedics to look at him.  To me that is strength, he never once worried about himself, he thought about the stranger on the ground, myself who was a mess and the others around and I want to view this situation the same.  Yes, ultimately this surgery is about me but it is for the people around me also.  I want to be healthy enough to enjoy my children, to do the things I cannot do right now with them.  I want to be there for many years for my husband.  If I think about all the risks and cons to surgery I could become upset...I am human and everyone has fear.  It is what you do with fear that is the answer, fear has brought me to this choice in my life....I fear I won't walk or even live long if I don't change.  I won't allow fear to hold me back.  The people in my life like my dad that show such strengths give me a great example to follow.  April 15th 2011 is the day of my surgery at 9:00am and friends ....IT'S MY TIME....to take control of my life and begin a new chapter.