Day Twenty Two - Neapolitan

 Just to start with an update 2/3 of the "J" Team was here today and once again did a fabulous job cleaning for me.  I am so thankful for these ladies.  My sister - in - law tackled my oven today, wow what a mess.  She cleaned the oven, inside and out, set the self clean and pulled it out from the wall.  Cleaned the terrible mess that had accumulated underneath in the last year or two plus her and my cousin put the whole appliance on rollers so I can easily pull it out from the wall.  Once the "J" Team left and my kitchen was all sparkly clean I just had to cook.  So I made spaghetti pie for my gang for supper and made a Neapolitan cake for my friend.  It's Mother's Day tomorrow and I thought the cake would be nice to go with a card.  I just hate giving a card alone.  While I was making the cake my mind was going a mile a minute.  I do lots of thinking...keeps me from eating....lol.  As I made the three layers, vanilla, strawberry and chocolate I was drawn to the fact that everyone has layers.  You know what I am talking about.  First you see the yummy outside layer that everyone loves, then there is the next layer(strawberry) and not everyone loves this layer, finally there is a finishing layer (chocolate) this is the real inside layer the one that everyone likes to get to but few do.  I'm laughing now because a lot of my analogies seem to relate to food....funny huh.  Why do I feel like we all have layers, well maybe I should personalize it more.  Why do I feel like I have layers, because I do have layers.  Now I want to make it clear before I try to peel these layers is I am not saying I am fake or that anyone else is just that we all have levels of emotions, feeling and what I call "security levels".  My vanilla layer is what everyone sees....me.  I am a relatively happy person, pretty laid back at times, fairly easy to get along with some people even feel I might be not very smart as I just don't engage with some people or certain situations (security level 3).  The strawberry level is a little more intense.  People that know this level know that yes all of the things from the vanilla level are true but there is some wear and tear in the heart & mind shown in this layer.  A little more of me is exposed (security level 2).  Not ever one likes this level as I do engage, say the things I need to say.  I tend to pick my battles at this level but you will soon find I am quite intelligent and have pockets of experience in many many avenues.  You will also find that I do not back down when it is a moral or ethical issue.  My children are my fire and if they are attacked in anyway it is like adding gasoline.  My intense drive for knowledge and organization can be a force to reckon with.  My loyalty to friends, family & faith is unquestionable.  Sheer determination and stubborness drives this perfectly pink layer which is how I can bake and cook without being tempted to eat.  This layer holds heartache and fears but they are not really unlocked at this level.  My tendency to make a joke or laugh at the situation is my way of side stepping the issue at the center....the choclate layer.  Security level 1, the chocolate layer.....this is my most protected layer.  This is protected better that The Canadian Mint!  This is the layer that most people never reach....if you hang around long enough to get past vanilla and cruise into strawberry well, most people don't think there is more to me but the chocolate is always the best!  This is the layer that holds the most sorrow, most fears and most love.  Do I let people get this close?  Tell you the truth....I don't think so.  There has been some that have tasted this layer but have always slammed up the gates.  People that have glimpsed at this layer are people that have had a place ...a special place in my life and heart.  In order to save myself (you know like saving the best piece of the cake for last) I don't let people in that far.  To me this has always stopped more heartache, but am I missing out?  The best part of eating a neapolitan cake is you taste all the flavours, all three layers, vanilla, strawberry and chocolate.  It wouldn't be a Neapolitan cake without the three layers.  I am not really me without allowing people to see all three layers?  I guess my challenge to myself is to let people in and let love out!
Steph